Radouane's Journey to Life

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a suppressed relationship to authority since childhood, where I learned that being seen, evaluated, or corrected by an authority figure meant that my value, safety, or place could be taken away.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow up in an environment where authority was not a point of support or guidance, but a point of comparison, judgment, and emotional pressure, and that I did not have the space to speak, to question, or to be heard equally.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a child to store anger and tension in my body specifically in my head, ears, solar plexus, and upper back because I could not express disagreement, frustration, or self-direction without fear of consequences.   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn that defending myself openly was dangerous, and that therefore I learned to defend myse...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define authority as something threatening, instead of seeing authority as a functional role within physical reality.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to authority from fear stored in my body, instead of responding from presence and common sense.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense my body, especially my upper back and solar plexus, when authority speaks or directs, as if my safety is at risk.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate authority with punishment, humiliation, or force, instead of clarity, responsibility, and direction.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to obey automatically, without self-direction, whenever authority is present.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my voice, explanation, and physical presence in the face of authority.  ...