Day 25 : Possession 4

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that an another interesting dimension that can contribute to keeping me within a state of possession, and that is me judging the possession, or the experience, or what it is that I am going through within a certain state or experience of possession. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself while I am in a possession. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed all the thoughts and backchats and emotional experiences and that actually show that I do see what I am going through, and that I am very much aware of what I am accepting and allowing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself with a specific platform like being in the center of my  head, and standing in the center of that platform. And seeing different types of sunglasses, looking from up top down at me, and it's five pairs of sunglasses, different pairs, and I am wearing them and looking at me through the sunglasses at the top, while I at the same time am  standing in the center of that platform. And every pair of those sunglasses is judgments.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I went into a possession where reacting to someone or something  and I kept that memory in my mind, and I’ve over time had lots of thoughts and back chats and emotional reactions toward them/it that I  were harboring and holding on to, and that sometimes I could see how extensive my own thoughts and back chats and projections towards something or a person can be, to the point where I almost wanted to go to shame within myself, because it's like, I’m mad and hectic in my minds if I accept and allow it. So there, as I were going through that possession experience, I  were looking at myself  through the glasses of judgment, and then as these thoughts and back chats and experiences would come up, I’d oftentimes find myself judging myself for it, like, oh my goodness, I can't believe I've done that, or even thought that, how could this be coming up in me, oh no, I shouldn't be doing this, I'm so ashamed, I  go into guilt and regret, but then before I know it, I am accepting and allowing that same possession again. But it can happen in a matter of space and time as well, where I  find myself in that possessed state for a moment, and then it drops, and then time comes again, and I go into the possession again, but now the next time, I am looking at myself  through the glasses of blame, meaning where I went into the possession, but then I went, you know what, yeah, no, I think this, my thoughts and back chats and reactions toward this thing of that person is valid, you know, and I start blaming others or the system inside my mind even more.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I am in a possession to wear the glasses of justifications and excuses in my center of head, justifying and excusing why I can remain and stay in this state of possession, the nature of my  thoughts and back chats and emotional experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a way, within my mind, especially when I am going through something, I will find me oftentimes first have to walk through,  the glasses of perception, the glasses of perception meaning how I am perceiving what it is that I am  going through, and how am I looking at it, and how am I viewing it, because it's the very starting point and way and nature within which I am looking at what I am  going through that could be the very thing that's keeping me in a particular state or experience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that  if I  keep looking at what I’m going through like in that possession through the eyes of judgment or the glasses of judgment, then there I keep on judging it, and then in that judgment actually creating more reactions of guilt, regret and shame, but it's not doing anything about the problem, about the possession itself. The same with blame. I  could then go into blaming the very person  or thing that I am created this possession out of within my  mind, and the blame in itself can create more and more and more outflows or emotions. And same with excuses and justifications. The more I excuse and justify the possession, that can in itself also create more emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that all these glasses, the glasses of perception, my view, my starting point perspective actually does more harm than good, and it can recycle me into this possessed experience over and over and over again to a point where it can take months, even years to get out of it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to identify these different glasses that I am  looking at myself through when I am in a possession.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and understand and take with me that what does happen is, and this is also what can take me into a full on extreme possession, is I've used that visual illustration of me standing on that platform, the me on that platform representing the possession that I'm in, and then all these glasses of perception surrounding me in how I can look at myself. Now, what sometimes happens is, all those glasses of perception comes up at the same time, where while I'm in a possession, I'm blaming myself or another person, judging myself, I go into victimization, manipulation, pity, and when everything, all of those types of things comes up within me at once, that can very easily contribute to me just going into a full on possession within me. Because it becomes almost too much for my mind or even my beingness to handle, where my beingness then, or my awareness to a certain extent doesn't know where to start,, what to direct, because there's just so many thoughts and back chats and emotional reactions in that little space in my head at once, that my beingness literally kind of just steps back and gives up and says, no, and then the mind will completely take over. For example, want to blame my being or blame the mind, but if I ever look at the timeline, I accepted and allowed that moment to happen.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that, that choice for my being to step back and for my mind just to take over was not so much a choice that's made in that moment as much as it is a manifested consequence of a series of choices that I've made in accepting and allowing these things to happen within my mind. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that  another good way to map out my possession experiences and these glasses of perception is to actually draw it out for myself. Take a nice A4 piece of paper, draw like a circle in the middle and define my possession within it.

 I commit myself to draw it out for myself. Take a nice A4 piece of paper, draw like a circle in the middle and define my possession within it.Define it meaning, the thing or the person, the words that I or they spoke, my experiences within it and things like that. And then around that circle, I do more circles. And in those circles you write, okay, blame is something I sometimes access, judgment, victimization, manipulation, excuses, justifications, pity, regrets, guilt, shame,  just so that you can more physically see for myself what I am accepting and allowing in my mind. Because sometimes I keep so many things inside of myself for so long that I don't realize how the longer I keep cycling in things within my mind, the more I am actually imprinting it into the substance of my being and my physical body. And that's also how possession starts so fast because here initially those glasses of perception are more just like floating at the top, where I am standing on that platform and they're floating and coming up and coming in every now and then, while I am going into my possession. But the more I  start accepting and allowing the judgments, the excuses, justifications, blames, all of that, the more those glasses becomes real and comes closer and closer and closer and almost starts merging and becoming part of my initial possession.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that  that thing, that moment there is when the being just steps back and the mind just completely takes over. I created that moment in time and over time. So therefore, I commit myself to use this time that I  have, to not accept and allow a possession to become a full on possession within me. And the way to do that is to, when I go through many or momentary possessions in my everyday life, or I  find that there is a momentary possession in my  everyday life that's happening every now and again, that I haven't yet stood within in a way of, instead redefining and living a new word to keep on going into that same cycle over and over and over again, map it out. Okay, have a look at asking myself, what is keeping me in this possession? What glasses of perception am I looking at myself through in relation to my possession that I can now see is in fact keeping me in that state? It's recycling over and over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so focused on the problem, so I don't actually look up and see that there's so much more contributing to this problem, in fact.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I might have been trying to work through the possession or the point that can momentarily possess me in my everyday life, but I didn't notice what is actually contributing to it and what's keeping it in place within myself. So now that I have got that, all I need to do is look up a bit, look more around within my mind and see what's going on in there. Work through and walk through those, see what opens up for me.

 

I commit myself to identify all these different glasses that I am looking at myself through for all intense possessions that I did experience before.

 

I commit myself to write out a point that is possessing me at the moment, a point that keeps on coming up in my thoughts and back chats and emotions over and over and over again that I  just can't seem to budge out of within me. And then have a look at writing down, okay, but what is coming up within me that's actually keeping me stuck within this state, within this experience that I am in? Meaning, can I  see the moments where I am judging myself for it? Where I am judging the thoughts that's coming up or the back chats or the emotions? Can I  identify blame where I am blaming something or someone else for what I am experiencing inside myself? Are there justifications, excuses and reasons that comes up within me that makes me validate me being in the state that I am in now? What else? Being angry, upset with myself, guilty, guilt, regret, shame, remorse, that also. I can call those self-manipulation glasses that I can be looking through because sometimes I am also going through things within myself that keeps on happening and then I tend to manipulate myself with self-pity. Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's still here or it's happening to me or why, can't get out of it, keeps happening over and over and over again. That tone of voice, self-manipulation, pity. And then what I do is, when I  notice I go into that possessed state and any of these glasses of perception that is coming up within me, first let go of those glasses of perception. Meaning, if I notice I am going in it but the judgments are there as well, just stop the judgments, stop anticipating, drop the judgments and go, okay, judging myself for this very thing is not dealing with the very thing, let me look at this possession right now. And then rather forgive the thoughts that's coming up in my conscious mind, my emotional experience that's coming up. Shift and align myself with what's coming up within me right here, right now, not all the surrounding glasses of perception that are just there for one reason and one reason only, to keep me in that state or that platform of possession I am in.