Day 35 : Obsessions part 2
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a look at defining for myself who I am within and as obsession. Essentially having a look at identifying and recognizing obsession points within myself my mind, and the effects it has within myself and my body, so that within this defining process and being able to clearly see who I am right now within and as obsession and possession.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience obssession like a big part of my physical body pulling me towards something or someone. like this thing or that person is a big magnet and I am pulled towards it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in relation to obsession to react with need toward something or someone and feeling unsatisfied until I get it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as and when I experience obsession to do and act unconsciously and not be aware of that until I did it. And experience uncontrolled actions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not control my actions of sending a message or making a call as and when obsession is activated within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand fully what an obsession is.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remember and always take with me within my process in general, within myself and my mind, to take into consideration that in the real time moment that an obsession pattern comes up within me, it's moving in real time, it's like a a real time movie scene that's playing out, that I am acting within and living out.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that another description or definition and dimension of obsession is that something keeps on continuing within myself and I am not letting it go, I don't want to let it go, it's not being changed, nothing's being done about it and that same thought, backchat, reaction cycle comes up over and over and over again and in this process, obviously, interestingly enough, it can then escalate into possession.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the obsession point still stays more internal but the moment the obsession escalates or evolves into a possession, this is where it becomes more external, more visible, more real and verbal and I can be remaining in that cycle for a long time.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience obsession and see it as like the little cloud bubble coming up in my head with the words coming up in my thoughts and my back-chats and my reactions.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put my obsessions into a movie scene, and imagine myself in an actual scene in a movie, inside myself so there's a movie playing out within my mind and like an individual is coming to me, with papers or something saying again, look they're late, they need more time and in that moment, what is playing out within me and I could see it as like the little cloud bubble coming up in my head with the words coming up in my thoughts and my back chats and my reactions. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to visualize it in like a movie scene so I can realize that that pattern within myself is kind of like alive, it's happening in real time, I am being, my awareness channeled into that pattern, I am becoming it, I am acting it out, I am living it, it's there, now in process, right, to be able to, while that is happening, take that step back, it's like I in that movie scene now becoming a narrator, where I am watching but experiencing it at the same time so that I can observe, okay, what's happening in this obsession pattern, what are the thoughts, the back-chats, the reactions and then to, in that real time moment, be able to change the movie scene, change how I am acting, change the script, both as the actor in that moment, and then as the narrator, so in that real time moment, I see, okay, this script is going to lead to that ending in this particular scene of the movie, the particular end meaning I am just gonna again walk away with all these thoughts, back-chats, reactions and experiences and so instead in that moment, I am starting to script in self-forgiveness, so you start doing the self-forgiveness to just release the emotions so that it can calm down the thoughts and the back-chats, ground myself and then in that moment. I instead ask, okay, I've now taken responsibility for my reactions but let's have a look at this individual because this relationship can't continue like this, so then I sit them down and ask them, okay, what is your time management like, what is your scheduling like, how can we assist and support each other in this process because we've got a working relationship and this time point is creating consequence in the both of us, so let me walk a process with you to create time management within you, I'll be your time management director initially just to start practicing the getting things done on time and then eventually, we'll start giving you more and more responsibility to manage your own time but first, we've got to get to know who you are in time.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that when it comes to assistance and support of others and it actually reflects much when it comes to myself and my own process within the mind, meaning the dimension I am having a look at here is my tendency to just want to give people solutions and knowledge and information. So I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand there how often times I kind of just almost also in a reaction just give people a solution, tell them look, this is the knowledge and information of the solution like time management, this is how you can script out your day, time your day, schedule things in, prioritize, plan according to a day and then a week and then a month and for me who's giving the advice or the solutions and knowledge and information, it all sounds like common sense, I know that just giving that knowledge information to the person, well, that's enough, they've got everything, it's such common sense, now just go and do it but what I don't consider within this is putting myself in their shoes and realizing that their relationship with time, time management, prioritizing, hierarchically prioritizing from most important to least important, putting all of that into a day or a week or a month, that programming may not exist in them at all, that it may have come naturally to me or that I have actually forgotten the process that I've had to walk my relationship to time, priorities and getting things done.
So here I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a look at that particular moment within myself and my relationship with others, that I expect other people to be the same as me, within myself, my minds, my lives, just because it seems like pure natural common sense to me and in a way cannot conceive that it does not exist in that way at all within another person and that within this it's going to take time to actually dedicate some of my time to assist and support them in this journey and in this process of changing their relationship with time, where I am going to have to be that example for them for a while so that they can actually learn and integrate and see and start starting to change this point within them.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a look at how many people have I just kind of spoken solutions with, given them as I would say advice but I have not actually dedicated the process, the time, the investing within them as much as myself to guide them through it, through the days, the weeks, the months, checking in, sitting down with them, coming together, coming up with solutions and ways in which both of us can assist and support each other and maybe have a with people I have not done that and maybe start including them more into myself, into my life because in that process, in walking with someone and really seeing what is involved, the patience that's needed, the perseverance, the support, the innovativeness in coming up with solutions, the whole creation process, that is what real support and assistance is, the walking with someone from the problem into the solution until the point of change comes through. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to even consider doing that, giving something of myself, my time, my knowledge and information and putting it into a practical way for another and really seeing that process unfold within another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kind of sit back and just say this is the problem, this is the solution, now go and change. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a look at now projecting this again back into myself, my own process and am I even giving that time and process for myself, I mean am I patient with myself in knowing okay, I've been playing out for example this movie scene of going into this obsession moment with a reaction pattern inside my mind in relation to another and this movie scene I've been living over and over and over again for months or even years and that it is going to take time and patience and perseverance to re-script that scene and that movie that is kind of imprinted into my mind, my being and my body, so how many times am I also just looking at such obsession moments and just knowing the problem and knowing the solution but I am not actually walking into that depth and process of real change and the time that it is going to take to change, because from an old pattern to a new pattern, old patterns they are integrated and merged and layered extensively within myself, it's going to take time in real-time moments to change that patterning into a new pattern of thinking, of looking, of being and expressing within myself.
And so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to integrate this point and take with me within myself and my process ahead, just take care not to perceive other people's processes as less than mine or them being less than me or having a tendency to give up and walk away very quickly and very easily when they're not changing apparently fast enough, because I may not be considering how deeply and massively ingrained their mind, their programming and experiences are and how I even tend to essentially forget that within myself in my own process sometimes that leads to that giving up and walking away and dropping my process a bit too quickly and unnecessarily.
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