Day 39 : Obssession part 4

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand what to do when I recognize me accessing an obsessive pattern within myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that that moment of change is not only going to happen like that. It is going to be a process where in the moment that I recognize or identify the obsession pattern to in that moment release or step back and direct the obsession and change myself into a different word, a different expression, a new word, a new part of self.  And how that very process is going to have to happen within the real time moments because that obsession pattern has become so much part of the fabric, the very fiber, constitution, structure and nature of my mind, my being and my body.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that what is interesting that could also have been contributing to me  giving up and kind of going into a state of helplessness and hopelessness with a particular pattern when I do not see any results in my relationship with that pattern over time or a certain given time that I have placed for myself in a way of in this week I am going to transcend this pattern.
And then when it doesn't happen I think I am doing something wrong or I am not getting it or all my other patterns of judgments, reactions, victimization, giving up, giving in starts coming through.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and  understand that when it comes to the mind consciousness system and the patterns that I have been living for weeks, for months, for years, it starts establishing a certain level of automated control, of automated control meaning where because I have been conditioning my relationship with my mind, myself and my body within that pattern, the pattern in itself starts taking a life of its own where that is why I in those moments so quickly, easily and readily without even questioning it, go into that pattern, become it, speak it and live it out. I do not make an informed decision within awareness or introspection or self-honesty in that moment to say to myself okay I will now enter into this particular obsession pattern and then after making the very informed aware decision you then embody it and become it. U don't do that.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I am experiencing that those moments are so difficult and challenging to make an informed aware decision of who and how and what I want to be in that moment when in fact this is how my life and living expression in thought, word and deed should be. I should be aware of how I am speaking, the sound I am using, my choices of words, my presence, my behaviors, my actions within the consideration of myself and another and a moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become so accustomed and conditioned into and as that automated control of the mind and my mind consciousness system patterns that I've in a way subtly placed a negative polarity on this process of change that I have to give myself that space and time in that moment to breathe, step back, forgive the pattern and decide on a new word that I want to be, become and live and change into in that moment.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that When those very moments I am multi-dimensional in what it is training me within or teaching me. It is training and teaching me what it means to live with awareness, with self-awareness where I make an informed decision of who I am going to be in thought, word and deed. And it's just because I've never lived or existed in that way that it seems at this moment so challenging and difficult and new. But the more and more I remain constant and consistent in practicing those real-time moments of change, My quantified processing in real-time moments will start evolving in a way where I will naturally start speaking very specific choices of words, very naturally align my presence, my nature, my mannerism and behavior in a moment that supports me and also another.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at where identifying just those moments so I can actually see that I already doing this very informed, aware decision-making in moments of how to set myself my choice of words, my sound of words, my behavior and mannerism in a way that supports me and another as well.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a look at when I am having conversations or discussions with family members or friends. It's like sometimes I assess the moment, I assess the person, I assess the experience and then within that I look at okay how can I say this in a way that they will hear or that they will understand. How can I change myself, my voice here in this moment in a way to get through to them.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that there are significant moments in my life that I have already faced in the past where I have made informed, aware decisions of who am I in thought, word and deed in this moment. So it's already existing within me and that awareness living, self-aware living is and becomes a natural part of me but it doesn't ever necessarily become automated.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see this is what's interesting about the difference between mind consciousness system automated control versus self-aware living. The difference being that my mind consciousness system will bring through the same pattern of thinking and reacting over and over and over again. For example lets take example A and example B. Example A on my left, example B on my right. On my left let's say I see a series of four different memories spanning in four different weeks.Week 1, 2, 3 and 4. In week 1, 2, 3 and 4 I see the same or similar being who for example initially really annoyed me and irritated me when it came to their time prioritizing and time management. So every time in each of those weeks I come across them, I react to them in my thoughts, my back chats, my reactions and it goes to the extent of gossiping about them and back chatting about them inside my mind creating them as this massive villain in my head. And in my words and my behavior that other person can also just pick up on it and it makes for a real consequential experience for myself and for them. Now let's have a look on the right again four memories week 1, 2, 3 and 4. Now from week 1 I decide to change my thought reactions and back chats and emotional experiences. I take my step back, I do forgiveness and I instead have a look at okay how can I change this relationship in a way of assisting and supporting this being. Now I start the process of assisting and supporting that individual. Then week 2, now I am in a new moment and this person gives me feedback. Now I've got to shift, align, check, assess where I'm at, where they're at, how's my process going, how's their process going and then from there it expands even more into week 3. Week 3 they start changing or falling, having some ups and downs. I check in with mysel, there's some things that I can also work on because they're ups and downs, I've also responded to because I may have not remembered how long it takes sometimes to really get into a natural rhythm of change. Week 4 I again start bolding and creating. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the difference between example A and example B. In example A it is the same thing, they just get worse over and over and over again in my own mind and in my own relationship with the other person. Whereas in example B when I live more with self-awareness, my real-time moments of self-creation and creation with another and so the relationship changes, transforms, evolves. It's always different, dynamic, new, innovative, expansive, can be creative and there's always things that I can face inside myself that they the other can face in themselves.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand the consequences of what obsession does. Obsession not only limits my own process but also that of another, that of others, that of moments, that of experiences.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have a look at making a list of what are the things within my mind that's become obsession patterns and direct myself to when I see I am accessing them, decide who, how and what else can I be and become in that moment to assist and support me and or another. Because in that obsession it becomes almost like a literal self-imprisonment, a hold within myself because I am extensively limiting me within my own personal process. I can learn and experience and see and discover nothing about myself if I remain stuck in an obsession pattern.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself when it comes to real-time change, to not set a given time for how long I am  going to have to walk to transcend pattern because what is also interesting that many may be able to relate to is in this process I may, for example, be walking through a particular obsession pattern like this individual. For them it started with the obsession with reacting to an individual's time management and prioritizing but then with starting to walk that process they actually started realizing more points within themselves, more dimensions and programmings and perceptions and ideas about so many other things like for example starting to, where they realized, oh my goodness I'm reacting to this person going through ups and downs. What was that all about? Why do I react to that? Where's my patience? Where's my understanding? Where's my focusing on solutions? Now so that's why I never want to put a time value on a process, on a point that I'm walking within myself because within that one point multi-dimensional other points can simultaneously open up and in a way it's like the walking through a point becomes like a portal where I transfer from let's say one universe to another and as I am walking through that portal which is the initial one point of facing an obsession, as I go through that wormhole and I'm traveling, the traveling is also in itself an exploration, an experience and in the traveling process I travel, I move left, right, up, down, in all sorts of directions because that one point consists of multi-dimensional other points until I've walked through the whole matrix that is within and behind that one point that exists within me that I'll get through into the other side, the new universe, the new me.

 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of if I don't put a time value on a certain process that I'm walking then, it can become easy for my mind to kind of say no I don't have to walk it that specifically or I can let it go this time or yeah I see I reacted in it in that moment but it's okay I'll get it later again, so I kind of have like a postponing relationship with my own process.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the one thing that will keep me grounded, constant and consistent within this process of real-time change is assisting and supporting myself to know that when the moment arrives that I recognize this obsession that I will change. It's those moments that matter. If I remain constant and consistent in that real-time change in that moment that will guide me through taking it within the realization and process of literally moment by moment, because how is process walked? Moment by moment and that statement moment by moment also has multi-dimensional definition to it. Yes, I walk my breath moments, in terms of practicing the here-ness awareness with myself and my body but then I've also got process moments where I'm not my entire day for every moment of that day and every breath going to face this obsession pattern. I am throughout my day facing a multitude of different moments of my process within my mind so the key is only to within those moments that I'm facing a moment of obsession to change that moment because I've got only that moment.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at how programs, systems and patterns in the mind was created in the first place, moments, moments within days spanning over weeks or even months so therefore it's going to take the same.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to creat an obsession about a pattern that I'm walking, where I become so obsessed with wanting to transcend it that becomes the only thing that I think about and then I miss so many other process moments in my day because I'm just trying to resolve and transcend and break through this one pattern

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I've got to ease myself into my mind process, my everyday life process and kind of wake up in my day and walk into the moments that open up, always walking into that moments in a way of I'm here, I'm ready, okay what's this pattern coming up, who am I in this moment within this pattern, oh now I'm almost, my day is almost finished, here's an obsession pattern, cool okay, who am I in this moment with my obsession pattern.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the statement as a reminder for myself when I'm identifying things in my mind activating that I'm in the process of changing in real time, name the game, say okay here's my moment to walk the obsession pattern, oh here's my moment to walk the comparison pattern, here's my moment to walk the judgment pattern and then I change myself into and as a living word in real time.

I commit myself  to have a look at making a list of what are the things within my mind that's become obsession patterns and direct myself to when I see I am accessing them, decide who, how and what else can I be and become in that moment to assist and support me and or another. Because in that obsession it becomes almost like a literal self-imprisonment, a hold within myself because I am extensively limiting me within my own personal process. I can learn and experience and see and discover nothing about myself if I remain stuck in an obsession pattern.
I commit myself to ease myself into my mind process, my everyday life process and kind of wake up in my day and walk into the moments that open up, always walking into that moments in a way of I'm here, I'm ready, okay what's this pattern coming up, who am I in this moment within this pattern, oh now I'm almost, my day is almost finished, here's an obsession pattern, cool okay, who am I in this moment with my obsession pattern.


I commit myself to use the statement as a reminder for myself when I'm identifying things in my mind activating that I'm in the process of changing in real time, name the game, say okay here's my moment to walk the obsession pattern, oh here's my moment to walk the comparison pattern, here's my moment to walk the judgment pattern and then I change myself into and as a living word in real time.