Day 41 : Playing games possession part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed  an unconscious pattern of playing games to immediately show up when and as I was waiting for someone or something.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I react with the energy of anger and annoyance when and as someone or something is late and I must wait for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the energy and emotion of anger and annoyance when someone or something is late and I must wait.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I was programmed since I was born to hate waiting, as I learned that from my parent and my environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to suppress the emotions of anger, annoyance, and mind tiredness with playing games instead of facing them and applying self forgiveness on them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that playing games make me rest. so when I work and want to rest I used to play games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid dealing with anxiety and my conscious mind thoughts by playing games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by playing games to the point of staying in this possession for days and weeks. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  when I play games to think and participate with the thoughts of "I am enjoying the game"  "let's win some matches" "Ohh yes I won" "I have to get revenge" "I am good at this game" ...


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a talk about what I am experiencing when I play games like : "Oh I am wasting my time in this game instead on working on my goals" "I am not advancing in this game as I keep the same rating and don't learn anything new""I have to stop playing like that"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself while playing games to give myself justifications, excuses and reasons like : " this game help me not feel loneliness"  "this game help me not feel annoyance"  "I forget about all emotions as I play this game"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and participate with the energy of  excitement, pleasure, and enjoyment  while playing games.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my eyes, brain and arm to be very attentive and in alert while I play games.


What triggers, symbols and impulses that activate this possessions?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed annoyance to trigger and activate the possession of playing games on me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through annoyance and live the words of physical stability.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed loneliness to trigger and activate playing games on me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to breathe through loneliness and live the word of oneness.

 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger to trigger and activate playing games on me instead of breathing through it and live the words of stable and calm.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed Waiting to trigger and activate playing games within me instead of breathing through it and live the words of do what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed killing time to trigger and activate playing games within me instead of when and as I think or feel that I need to kill time, stop and breathe And live the words of I am Life




What is the source and origin of  what triggered and activated within me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a deep feeling, and believe that I am not completet, not whole, I need a partner or an understanding and realization to be whole and complete. And accepted and allowed that to be the source of annoyance, loneliness, anger, anxiety, waiting, killing time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that as I breathe, one breath at the moment, breath by breath, being awareness of the physical As I do that within every moment, I can not be in any state or mind reality other than Whole and complete.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that believing and feeling not complete, comes from living in separation as the mind consciousness system. So whenever I accept and allow myself to live and participate with the mind consciousness system, I will be in separation and so not complete.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the words Complete and whole as Life as what is best for all life within every breath.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand playing games triggers in more depth. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see what specific thoughts or situations in my daily life lead to these feelings of annoyance, loneliness, anger, waiting, and feeling incomplete and need for a partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and project myself in relationship with a female when I have interaction with her. And in doing so, as I finish the interaction I feel incomplete and need to have a partner and that trigger me to play games.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to develop alternative response to the urge to play games like go for a walk, or practice deep breathing or engage in a quick mindfulness physical exercise.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to set clear boundaries for playing chess game time. Specifically 1 or 2 classical or rapid matches per week.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to build more and develop more my awareness  withing breath and the physical body moment by moment, one breath at the moment, releasing and letting go whatever the mind bring within every moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore where this believe of I am not complete or whole and I need a partner originated from and how it manifests in other areas of my life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that change is gradual process. And so be patient with myself and practice self-compassion, and acknowledge my progress and understand that setbacks are part of growth.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not share my journey with trusted friend, mentor or in desteni forum so I can get support and hold me accountable. As external perspective can provide valuable insights and support.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to regularly reflect on my progress and keep a journal to note any improvements, setbacks, and lessons learned. 

I commit myself to look at what specific thoughts or situations in my daily life lead to these feelings of annoyance, loneliness, anger, waiting, and feeling incomplete and need for a partner.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself experiencing urge to play games to practice deep breathing, or go for a walk, or engage in 5 to 10 minutes mindfulness physical exercise.

I commit myself to explore where this believe of I am not complete or whole and I need a partner  originated from and how it manifests in other areas of my life. 

I commit myself to look at and explore how my mind trick me to feel complete and whole when I have sex intercourse or sex orgasm. I commit myself to see and introspect how the emotions of incomplete and feeling of complete and whole is negative and positive polarities of the mind to keep me trapped in separation.And how there is no feeling or emotion of complete or incomplete in living one and equal with the physical.

I commit myself to practice living one and equal with the physical body and earth within every moment until I transcend the reaction of incomplete and complete.

I commit myself to be patient with myself and practice self-compassion, and acknowledge my progress and understand that setbacks are part of growth.