Day 44 : Self Annoyance and superimposing past moments of change into present or future moments . Day 3 of 21

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not have a look at opening up, really writing out this relationship with self-annoyance.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I am  in fact always quite clear in relation to who I am and what I see, yet in terms of releasing myself from what I am clear on what I'm seeing, that is still a whole other story.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have a look at self-annoyance in relation to the things within myself and my own personal process, where I know what I am capable of, because I have proven it to myself and shown it to myself before, but yet despite having that proof, I still find that I tend to unnecessarily fall into reactions and habits and patterns within me and that in itself also create an experience of annoyance.

 
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have a look at any memories of things that I have transcended or things that I have changed within myself and I've proven it to myself in moments, but then in future moments I face something that was similar and the same, and then I allowed myself to fall or give up and give in and then from then on it seemed to just be easier to every time give up and give in and fall into the same habits and patterns and reactions.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand why would this exist within myself? Why, when I have proven to myself just  smooth sailing from there? Why does the giving up and falling still come up,  still exist?

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that its exist within me because I'd expect that if I had transcended something or changed something that it's done. So now every other time the same experience comes up in my mind, I am going to transcend it and change it because I've done it before. Like the example of transcending self annoyance within learning new things for some days and setback and give up after. In reality I always had this overwhelming sense of irritation,  especially in relation to not understanding things I am reading and I have defined myself as this very personality of insecure, lacking of control. So  I opened up this whole point, I started changing this personality of being insecure, of lacking of control,  and I had a look at the origin of this irritation and insecurities and I just realized  that this is how I defined my relationship with the mind to own this new learning experience and bring my insecurities to work against me. And with having this understanding I  could approach my relationship with learning new things  differently, where now I apply deep breathing and let go of irritations, annoyance and insecurities and walk my new learning with physical stability. So I walked my practical application process and my commitment statements that I've made and decided to be patient, to breathe, to sound self-forgiveness in response to annoyance irritation and insecurities. So then that day after that day it was like yes look I can do this from just doing the writing and the forgiveness and the commitments it's done and then the next time I get there to learn new things all of a sudden these experiences are coming again and this time more overwhelming, more intense because now the thoughts emotions and back-chats changed and because of the nature of the thoughts it brought up some new emotional reactions and experiences and others the similar and the same and from there it reactivated again my personality of being insecure and lacking control. So at the end of that day I was like why and from that why I was really becoming like annoyed with myself  I was then from the annoyance going into judgment and blame and thinking something's wrong with me and I'm annoyed at the whole situation at myself at learning new things at everything.


So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that here within this particular context I become annoyed with myself because now I from there also took it to the extreme where it was like well if I could do the writing and forgiveness and commitments within this one point and I showed to myself how it changed me and  my relationship with learning new things, why can't I do this with everything else in my mind in my relationship with learning new things? And that also then brings up more annoyance because it's like I've proven something works but no it doesn't work. 

So I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand here that  what is quite interesting within these types of dimensions is that the point the one point that is often missed within the equation of it all is myself meaning that I had placed so much emphasis only on the tools for example that I was walking instead of remembering that I am the one in who I am  and how I approach the tools that will determine the outcome. In other words if I have a look at the at these two moments what happened the first day that first interaction Me as the being realized that I am my writing and my forgiveness and my corrective application and I as the being went and lived it and applied it, so therefore that change manifested and happened because I changed within myself and I lived and applied that change but then on the next day when emotions came up again and patterns reactivated again what did I try and do; I used memory I went into memory within my mind going okay I have to do the self-forgiveness now the self-forgiveness must work now and the breathing must work now and my behavior and my thoughts and everything must work now to change this right now.  So I then separated myself from the very tools kind of trying to create a forgiveness center inside the mind or a practical application personality or system within the body and kind of asking it to help here I'm speaking self-forgiveness must fix the situation now or me doing this application and that application must fix this now breathing breathing fix it emotions go release. And obviously what's going to happen within that process nothing's gonna change because I missed the one point the one ingredient that will actually in fact bring through change which is myself and only myself. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I have got to ensure that when I do reach an achievement within my process where I find for example that I've proven a point of change within myself in relation to something or someone right keep it to that moment keep it to that day keep it to that relationship. My statement should actually be I have proven to myself in this moment on this day that with living my self-forgiveness my commitment statements my practical change that I do have the ability to change my relationship with me and others with living with and applying and expressing these tools as me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand why is it important to take it on a moment to moment and on a daily basis and not accumulate memories of things that I  have transcended and then use the memories to compare it to new moments new interactions new situations? 

I forgive myself myself for not accepting and allowed myself to see realize and understand that it's because firstly in terms of moments in physical reality I'm working with multi-dimensional things. If I take again that first day everything was set in such a way that what I actually faced and changed within that was purely the perception  and my relationship to the knowledge I was learning  that was purely only the context of the nature of the relationship that changed to those specific knowledge and what of the insecurity personality was in a relationship to the nature of the the knowledge that I was learning. So that was purely the dimension that I was in fact working with but then the next day or  the next time now there was a new set of knowledge  that may have activated new dimensions within the same personality that had not yet been worked with or dealt with or understood. So if I now went to an extreme of oh my god I transcended everything in my relationship to my personality I transcended everything in my relationship to this learning new things and then took that as a memory and then transferred it to the next time or the next day  and the next time or  next day I am   now working with new set of knowledge so many things could have changed and the mind can bring more in-depth memories and insecurities and  now I'm faced with that and I  obviously I hadn't been prepared to approach and deal with such memories and insecurities and there I therefore I went into my defense mechanism which was the the personality of becoming insecure and lacking of control and giving up on that learning.

 So therefore I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand how change can happen over time and that's why it is imperative for me not to take a past moment of change and try and compare that to a new moment in present time or even within the future it's impossible there's so much that change even on a day-to-day basis that if I'm going to compare my past transcendence's or change to bringing it through every single day, I'm going to miss a lot of things about myself about my relationship with others and opening up a lot of dimensions within myself and my process as a whole. So this is also what can contribute to annoyance within myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that what is important within this particular dimension what this does expose is that a part of me know that if I am placed within or in front of a point within my mind or my world what have I proven to myself which is pretty cool that if I approach something with writing with forgiveness with commitment statement that I can change I can do it. That is what I can take from for example walking through a moment with something or someone that's the essence of it. So that essence I can take with myself  that's cool to take with myself.

 
So, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I can say yes look I took these steps this is what I've proven to myself now in future moments all I need to do is keep applying this particular structure and this particular process and align myself and move myself and maneuver myself in such a way until I find the feedback in myself and my reality that I've in fact changed. But taking the details of it like yes I  have absolutely changed my relationship with this learning  and absolutely changed everything has changed and it's all just perfect and that's absolute that's a bit of a problem because I always have to be prepared for so many other new things and dimensions always opening up within myself and my process.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to whenever I experience annoyance coming up within me what's my cross-reference I have to look at the context within myself or my  outside world is it now in relation to facing something new or walking through a challenge or have I superimposed past moments of change into present moments or future moments of change.

 I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see within this that I'll find that the annoyance point  the experience of annoyance is quite similar and the same and both actually represent or reflect one and the same thing which is that I'm not walking in physical real space time slow enough I'm not aligned within physical reality.

 I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that if I have a look at the the past moment present future moment projections it's that I'm not walking my day-to-day life I am holding on to past change and not looking at what change do I need to walk in real time and then with the challenges and the learning something new become annoyed with myself what's it showing I'm not in real time I'm not walking to get to know my old self to be able to manifest my new self.

 So I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that it will really assist and support me to walk a self forgiveness process within myself the moment annoyance comes up so I can see where I'm at what am I doing and what am I not doing so the self-forgiveness with annoyance here I can use just a stable physical voice because the self-forgiveness and the sound of the stable physical voice will align me more into and as and with my  physical body which is where I want to be .
 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I can use that gentle normal stable voice and just speak the  self-forgiveness in relation to having a look at releasing myself from the emotion of annoyance the experience of annoyance forgiving myself in terms of seeing realizing and understanding that going into annoyance right now it's not going to benefit me it's not going to benefit this point that I'm facing within my world, that I am grateful for the annoyance and say thank you very much annoyance for coming up but it's now time for me to let it go to release it and to align myself into physical reality and see what I need to change and where I need to change.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to when annoyance comes I immediately do the forgiveness process because the more I stay in annoyance  the more I'm going to just separate myself from me into the mind and no change is going to come through in physical reality because the longer I stay in annoyance the longer I'm going to be reacting to myself and to everything and everyone else and I essentially won't be able to start my process unless I have let go and release myself from that annoyance so therefore just do it immediately just let it go release it do the self-forgiveness and then get my head straight if I will into physical reality and start immediately looking at and applying solutions.
 

I commit myself to to walk a self forgiveness process within myself the moment annoyance comes up so I can see where I'm at what am I doing and what am I not doing .

I commit myself to use just a stable physical voice because the self-forgiveness and the sound of the stable physical voice will align me more into and as and with my  physical body which is where I want to be.

 I commit myself to use that gentle normal stable voice and just speak the  self-forgiveness in relation to having a look at releasing myself from the emotion of annoyance the experience of annoyance forgiving myself in terms of seeing realizing and understanding that going into annoyance right now it's not going to benefit me it's not going to benefit this point that I'm facing within my world, that I am grateful for the annoyance and say thank you very much annoyance for coming up but it's now time for me to let it go to release it and to align myself into physical reality and see what I need to change and where I need to change.

I commit myself to sound self forgiveness immediately when experiencing annoyance and just let it go release it do the self-forgiveness and then get my head straight if I will into physical reality and start immediately looking at and applying solutions.