Day 46 : Does love really exist? Day 5 of 21.

 What is Love?

Why I crave for Love sometimes?

What is my relationship with the word Love?

How Love define me and my relationships?

How Love contribute to me feeling complete or incomplete?

How I can make love practical and live it as what is best for all life?

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that Love is just an energy that I experience in my physical body.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to really investigating and going very deeply into that energy of love.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to identify the context where I experience Love in my relationships with family, partner, food, experiences, and everything , and then identify the energy, and within that as well the physical response.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be specific in relation to identifying the energy, and understand that this is an entirely new concept, that love isn't love energy, meaning that if I go deep into that love energy that I experience towards something or someone, that it is simply an enhancing of a feeling energy that exists within my emotional and feeling bodies. Meaning I am  simply defined a particular specific feeling energy that exists within a certain strength. That the strength of different energies, just because of the strength of that energy is then defined to be love. So I'm actually in fact experiencing different feeling energies toward different relationships toward which I experience what I've defined to be love. But I experience it as being only love because all the different feeling energies exist in the same strength. And in that strength of that energy it thus becomes defined as love. Like for example, taking for example how you I felt in relationship to my first partner.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to really self-honestly accessing that energy and becoming it for a moment. Go back into my memories when I met her for the first time and when my relationship developed, really breathe and just slow down the memory, allow myself to be with the energy, to feel the energy within myself and my physical body. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use memories practically, just to access the past information to be able to work with it, deal with it and direct it. So I really feel the energy, I realize, but how will I define this energy? 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that as I did that now and looked within myself, I felt there's like an excitement. So it was interesting that the particular feeling energy toward that partner was in fact excitement, but because of the strength of the excitement, I came to define it as love. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at another partner and go back and  just feel the energy from the memory, just close my eyes, just become it, or maybe not close my eyes, I tend to close my eyes in looking at memories, the mind tend to wander off very easily. So close my eyes, meaning to rather open them and just focus on the energy from the memory, feel it, go into it. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize, it's attention. And just because of the strength or the intensity of that attention feeling energy, I defined it to be love. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the relationships with partners, that I formed in the past, that that feeling energy in fact really only exists because it was a word, it was an expression that was activated within me as a point of attraction to another human being, because the other human being was in fact being a mirror of something that I haven't allowed myself to express, to experience, to live.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to go back to that first partner, where I identified the feeling of excitement that just was simply a very strong and intense energy and so believed it to be love, And see realize that excitement was something that I felt in my life was missing, that I never really lived excitement, or looked at what that word means for me, and I have been looking for that word within my life instead of giving it to me, instead of living it for myself, or even questioning whether such a word is applicable to life and to living. And so therefore, because it was a void within me, I had another human being that represented that, and so therefore activated excitement within me, which was actually my mind or consciousness showing me that I'm not living excitement, I'm making my excitement dependent on another human being, but I don't see this because this illusion of love exists, just because energy is more strong and more intense. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand for attention as well, with the second partner, attention was something I longed for, I searched for, but I didn't live that for myself or gift that to myself, and then another human being activated within me for me to see, hello, this is dependent on another person, which means I'm not living it, I'm not this living word, it is not who I ame as a living expression, but do I see this? No! Because I am in my conscious mind, interpreting the intensity or strength of a feeling energy to mean love, because I am not aware of my consciousness in the subconscious and unconscious and quantum mind and quantum physical dimensions.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate and introspect if does love really exist? I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand  how love energy was created through infusing and amalgamating and merging different energy strands, which is essentially different or the same energy strands, which means love energy is an accumulation, it is an intensity and a strength of a particular specific same energy, such as excitement or attention or intimacy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk the process and identify in terms of what is really the energy existent within and behind the apparent love that I experience towards something or someone .

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand how can I love someone if it doesn't really in fact exist? If the love I'm always believed to exist is simply really just an energy experience and that I've had a particular feeling energy that was just a particular intensity and strength.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself  to have a look at the word love, and see realize understand how to make this word practical and livable, so it's really not just going to be a feeling energy that has a particular strength and intensity. But Love is going to become something much more expansive.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand within this process of redefining the word love, I'm not going to be losing something now, or I cannot have relationships with other human beings or something or someone if I don't love them, but I'm actually going to be giving myself the greatest gift in terms of walking this  relationship of love. Greatest gift meaning, what I'm now going to do is have a look at what is the feeling energy that I have attached to something or someone. That feeling energy that was simply a specific intensity or strength and identifying it will assist and support me to see what is it, what expressions of me and within me, have I  made dependent on others to be for me, to give me  instead of me living it for me as who I am.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that love is so promoted within human consciousness, within this world system, because love is one of the primary points that separate me from myself absolutely. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have a look at how many humans in my past or beings or things or experiences have I used the word love toward or even in my mind and all of those individual points or people or things have been relationships that have shown me or tried to show me what I'm making dependent on others and thus separating from myself into others instead of gifting being or living it as whole or complete within myself. So love promotes one of the ultimate self-separations, both polarities actually, love and hate.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have look at the love in  both my  family, friends, partnership, animal relationships, identify the feeling within it, what is the word as that feeling and how can I assist and support myself to be and become the word, the living word, the living expression of that which others are mirroring of myself  that I haven't gifted or given or lived for me. Like, for example, what I've used as excitement and attention and, in this I  can go through my  past relationships as well, identifying the feeling energies and I suppose this is what is so practical with regards to memories, they're kind of always there. So why use them to react to them? Why not use them to assist and support myself within my individual process? And I  can go back, what was the feeling energy? What did they give me that I did not give myself? 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  use the statement, how can you expect yourself to love anyone if you can't even love yourself? Without seeing and realizing  how can I really love myself if the concept of love is really in fact an illusion because it is simply feeling energies that have a particular intensity and strength to them. It would be weird, right? Going into my mind, my consciousness and intensifying certain feeling energies just to feel love,  where am I within it?

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I my awareness is not that feeling energy like attention and excitement. Loving myself would be something like doing that. Going into my mind and my consciousness, finding excitement energy or attention energy and getting it, locking in and then fueling it, making it more intense and stronger and then feeling love and then I'm embraced by it.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I'm not that energy. I  don't even know what that energy is really going through or experiencing and I've never even communicated with energy or established a communication with it. Simply always automatically believe that it's me but I'm not realizing that I'm not energy in fact in that all that I'm really in my awareness doing is I'm experiencing energy.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I'm not even energy in itself, meaning if I would do something like that, like go into my mind or my consciousness and find attention energy or excitement energy and strengthen it or intensify it, that it would still just be an experience of that energy and this I have called love. So looking at that statement of how can I expect myself to love others if I can't even love myself, here I get into how the most, I mean that is relevant though, just maybe the context of it is not relevant in that meaning it's the same principle of how can I expect myself to assist and support another if I  can't even do that for myself. So I first walk my  own mind, my own self, my own life to become a living example to really in fact be able to assist and support another human being.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself  to get into this interesting process in terms of completing oneself, unifying oneself, one's expressions that one had separated into energy and into relationships with other human beings and obviously within this, 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand what then? What happens when I get through this point? What then determines relationships?  for most part if I have a look at my mind or reactions kind of going in stress mode, but what happens to my relationships if I can't love, if I can't love them? I mean does that not mean that I have defined my whole relationship to another person just on that one energy? I mean what about the human being? What about who they are, how they are and what they are? So my relationships in fact are then actually also going to expand because I'm going to be seeing other human beings beyond just love energy. I'm going to start recognizing more the potential within other human beings. It's like I have experienced,  I've more been feeling each other in relationships than actually living with one another, than actually communicating, than actually getting to know, than actually assisting and supporting.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that his love energy has really been a reality blinder in terms of, it's not that love is blind, it is that love is blinding, meaning one has to get through the energy to see into the reality of things. And that life is a lot more than just feeling something towards someone else. There's a lot more involved in people's minds, in people's lives, in people's experiences than feeling something about them.

 

I forgive myself myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I really have to get past these feeling things to get into, how I'm really going to change, assist and support myself and others to really in fact live. To get into the important things in life than worrying about a feeling.