Day 49 : Giving up part 3. Day 8 of 21.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that it's not only about giving up. I had not take Giving up seriously enough because there is an addition to the words giving up that I had been missing and the additional words are on myself. So the complete statement is in fact giving up on myself. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that if there is a specific point within my mind and when I now started working with it in my writing and forgiveness, only I'm having a look at the writing and forgiveness phase and as I had been walking it and opening up and obviously going deeper and further into the point, consciousness triggers the process of giving up starting with the emotional reactions toward the point and the voices in the head and from there slowly channeling my beingness into that black hole within the back of my physical body and within all of this, now having a look at that particular point in my mind, if I imagine that particular point within my mind is a loved one, that is in a crisis, in a pool of water and waves are crashing down on them and they're kind of yelling and shouting and screaming, help, help, help, what am I going to do? I'm going to get out there and help them and assist and support them with everything that I've got. So why is it that I'm not approaching parts of myself within my mind in exactly the same way? 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the points that I face within my mind I can essentially envision as myself that is in the process of drowning, with all these waves as emotions and feelings that's crashing down on me and swirling and tumbling waters and stormy weather that's like the thoughts and the voices in the head and imaginations and projections that's kind of all over the place and everywhere yet nowhere. If I myself am in such a situation I would do everything and anything to help myself, to assist and support myself but instead what I'm doing is with the points in my minds that are in fact myself, as parts of myself, when things get tough I'm giving up, I'm literally giving up on myself. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand  within this point of giving up on myself is me  that's drowning is my awareness, my beingness is the potential of what it is that I can be and become and live and express. So it's like within and behind the points inside my mind there's a little mini me inside the stormy water with stormy weather shouting help help help and so I can actually utilize this to assist and support myself practically. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to  whenever there are points inside my mind and the voices in the head starts coming in relation to this is too much, it's too big, it's too overwhelming, can't do this, don't have time, all those excuses reasons and justifications or even the emotional reactions of irritation and frustration and impatience and just flat-out resistance if that comes up just for a moment pop up in my mind the imagination of me drowning and stormy waters, stormy weather and just let that vision sink in and push myself to do everything and anything possible to assist and support myself rather than giving up on myself. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself  to play with it just like have a bit of fun seeing that if I give up on myself there's one part of myself that is going to then be drowning and becoming part of the stormy waters and the stormy weather of the mind that all that will remain is my pre-programming. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to when sounding self forgiveness on giving up on myself utilize a very deep sincere genuine sound because there cannot be anything more unforgiving than me giving up on myself. Because if we as individuals have this tendency to so easily and readily give up on ourselves within our own minds how in any way can we expect to stand up for humanity.

 I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see here that I might for example say but you know it's just points inside the mind it's no big thing you know why are you making this such an issue you know it's not like I'm giving up on myself and now in relation to humanity that I'm giving up on them and that I'm not standing but if I really self-honestly have a look at the seriousness of this the only thing that is making points within my  mind not look so serious as well as my relationship to it is my own consciousness things in my mind might seem ordinary and not that big not that extensive because I cannot immediately within my world and my reality see the compromise or see the consequence but if I self-honestly have a look at what my mind and consciousness is how it is a pre-programmed version of my real self so my real self is existent within and behind it all so all points in my mind should be taken on with equal seriousness with an equal motivation because no matter how the mind makes things seem there is in fact always a part of myself within and behind it so this is also  another point within the relationship to my mind that I can have a look at making some points more or some points less when the only thing in the mind that makes things more or less is simply energy relationships and content based on how long it is that I programmed a point inside myself but no matter how big or small a point is within my mind there is a part of me existent within and as it.

So within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that if I have a look at this giving up process I think or believe that I get this one moment right where I just kind of I give up where it becomes mental and physical where I just say okay it's here till here no further i'm done with this i'm giving up it's like I make a decision or it or or shall I say um it's I believe that I have now made the decision to give up 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that giving up is a process that manifests within the mind it is my consciousness that drives me to that point where I believe that it's me making the decision to give up when all the while the decision to give up had already begun the moment I resisted or reacted toward myself or a part of myself within the mind the moment I was turned against myself was the moment I gave up because I then did not go further and deeper into the point to really understand it and introspect and investigated it instead I used my time to react to it to judge it to back chat about it to build up a lot of emotional and feeling reactions and that my consciousness is kind of doing in the background and then eventually it all builds up to a point where it in fact makes a decision for me to now make the giving up official so what I'm in fact doing within this giving up process is I'm forming like a friendship with my mind consciousness system in the sense that if I look at that moment where I decide to give up where I make it now official I am in fact using my very mind the voices in the head and the emotional and feeling reactions uh all the projections everything that was involved within the process to build myself up to the point of making my decision official I'm using all of that as my excuse reason and justification to validate why it is that I must give up in that particular moment so that's why I  say I am forming a friendship relationship with my mind because I am using my very mind to help me give up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing these voices the back chats uh the emotional and feeling reactions the projections all of it like comes together beautifully in a moment and I say essentially because of these voices because of what they've been saying because of these emotional energies because of how i feel right now because of my relationship to this point right now i am giving up so I am in giving up really fortifying my relationship to my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to really in that moment build an absolute strength for the mind consciousness system and this is what also makes it more challenging the next time to face that same or similar point because if I have a look if I would have taken on that point and walked through it with stability instead worked through your reactions and resistances and voices in the head and I pushed through and I got to a point where I realized my potential or my self-expression that was hidden within and behind the pre-program point if I had walked through that all I would have discovered or realized something about myself  my beingness who and how it is that I can be and become but now instead of gaining of giving that to me through my process of writing and living, I then give up that which I could have realized that which I could have lived and I'm giving it up to my mind consciousness system/

So I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the moment I give up my mind consciousness system takes my beingness and sucks it up into that black hole so I'm giving myself to my mind within this giving up process 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that with giving up there might be these silent voices in the head really wanting to say but but but um this is a a another a context of the voices in the head that I can look out for where it really wants to go for the yes but yes but but but oh really but but no i mean but uh uh yeah and even those sighs that one can use sighing is also a very interesting physical sign of a momentary giving up 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand the fact that the moment that I turn against myself that is the moment that I've already given up where I'm kind of done for if I do not get myself in gear and investigate the voices that I've been listening to and the emotions that I've been participating in that have turned me against a point or part of myself in the mind because from there it's just going to snowball downhill where I'm more and more going to become possessed by the voices in the head and the emotional feelings and reactions and more justifications and excuses are going to come up where I'm budding up with my mind and from there my mind is sucking me up into that black hole and my little self in that part of my mind the yells are going unheard unnoticed until finally I make the decision official within myself  to give up and even having the audacity to use the mind consciousness system to work for me within that context where I'm using and saying that well  these are the voices that came up these are the experiences i have um so therefore i must give up/

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself with sounding of self-forgiveness here to utilize a very soft gentle caressing voice within myself and express within the sound the real sincerity and genuineness of incorporating within the sound the realization of the seriousness in what is involved with accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that what assist and supports with that giving up so easily and readily is that I tend to be exceptionally hard on myself within my process in relation to the mind and with being so hard on myself  giving up and the process of giving up is kind of stands equal to and one with that hardness I tend to go into within myself where I don't recognize my own potential in realizing that I can really walk through my process with a lot more self-recognition a self-appreciation and that appreciation being I can do something as simple as when I'm writing and I've done my self-forgiveness give myself a hug  like well done I'm really satisfied with myself in relation what open in relation to what opened up and just like embrace myself hug myself  this will already assist and support with just changing that dynamic of  wanting to try and find everything wrong in things or find something somewhere to judge and instead have a look at what it is that I'm producing and recognize and appreciate myself for what it is that I'm  in fact doing in assisting and supporting me

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to not to make it like a mind point when I hug myself it's just a momentary embrace and a closing of my eyes and a breathing where I'm just with me in that moment being grateful for myself and recognizing and appreciating that point or part of me that is walking through this process this challenge of essentially finding myself within the mind and really assisting and supporting myself 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to play with finding that voice that sound within myself where I really forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the seriousness of giving up on me 

I forgive myself that I  have accepted and allowed myself to so easily and readily give up on me within and as points and parts within my mind as me that I was facing 

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to ever look at my relationship to the mind in this way where instead of me realizing that my mind actually represents parts of myself i have with separation from myself as my own mind made it more easy for me to go into separation and resistance and reaction to and toward parts of myself within and as my mind 

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand in a relationship with my mind with in the starting point of seeing realizing understanding that my mind is me at this moment and that with introspecting and investigating and getting to know my own mind i'm in fact getting to know and understand how it is that i'd come to be who i am now and what potential it is that i have to become so much more 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and resist and attack and judge and reject the very mind the very me that is in fact the solution to me becoming and living and experiencing my utmost potential 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that as long as I accept and allow this resistance and separation I'm not going to discover a point and part of me that's in fact existent within what I'm facing inside myself