Day 50 : Giving up part 4. Day 9 of 21.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand why and how it is that the giving up process affects me emotionally or mentally as well as physically. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the black hole that my consciousness sucks my beingness into and as, that very black hole and that process of consciousness taking over my beingness and awareness is essentially an extension of the mind, an extension of the mind more specifically in relation to its ability to manipulate and control. So in other words, the giving up process and experience encompass the mind or the extent of the mind's manipulation and control on who I am within my beingness or awareness.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that beingness and awareness within this context mean like taking something very simple I faced with a particular challenge within my environment or office environment or my relationship with someone and this particular point I can already foresee is going to be really challenging to walk through and face and already from within that moment of seeing the challenge as being ever so daunting I have this sinking feeling that happens within me and this sinking feeling or experience is also evident within my solar plexus where it like churns in my stomach and it feels like a slight nausea and it's like I have to mentally and physically force myself to get through the particular challenge that I'm faced with in my work or home or relationship environments. Now within that very moment right there is where consciousness extends itself into my beingness into my awareness in the sense that I was in that moment aware of the fact that this challenge is going to be daunting. This challenge is not going to be easy and there right in that moment I have an awareness of my relationship to this particular challenge. Now awareness is when I see something for what it is and how it is, nothing more nothing less and when I practically physically have a look at the challenge, yeah, it's not gonna be easy it is going to be more difficult to walk through it and it's a definite challenge but now consciousness manipulation and control comes in that moment I get that sinking feeling that slight nausea within my stomach where my consciousness now takes that awareness and makes it emotional and starts pulling me into that dark hole, black hole within myself to essentially try and pull me into the opposite direction. The opposite direction meaning instead of physically charging that particular challenge, it's like I'm seeing this row of soldiers, that is in the process of charging into a particular direction but now I see this one soldier that's kind of backtracking and starting to take these step backs out of the group of soldiers and turns around and runs away.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that is exactly what happens in that moment of already giving up before I've even started where instead of charging the situation, the challenge, charging it now not in terms of an emotional or feeling motivation or trying to fight my way through it or have a war in relationship to the particular challenge No charging it more in the sense of going for it like okay Here's this challenge. This is our difficult. It's gonna be list the difficulties list for myself what I'm going to face what is about myself that I need to change or enhance or specify to be able to get through this particular challenge What are solutions to problems things like that, that that's going for it that's taking it on but with accepting underlying self to be drawn into that black hole Inside your mind and beingness and body I'm literally going into the opposite direction.  I'm backtracking I am Slowly but surely reversing myself and being sucked into my mind instead of Pushing myself out there into physical reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that giving up expose how it is that the mind consciousness system pulls me away from physical reality from physical living.Because I can clearly see like me in front of myself right now envision two circles that are overlapping and the left circle Represents my physical body and the right circle represents my mind and what's happening is my  beingness is being filled into the mind now see the right substance I mean the right circle being filled with a Dark dark dark substance.  Now my physical body is left empty and I'm  not moving or directing or creating in and through my physical body into physical reality Everything of my beingness is only being substantiated Within the mind consciousness system 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to assist and support myself with, whenever I face a challenge in my mind or in my life my life being my world and my reality that being my home environment my Relationships my  work money, everything that I'm physically practically faced with To whenever That sinking feeling comes up with that slight nausea in my  stomach area I  must know that I'm  in that moment being shifted into my mind. I'm not grounded here within my physical body in physical reality to take on and charge into a particular problem or challenge so to do here in assisting and supporting myself to Shift myself back into my physical body because it's definitely like a shift that happens within myself. I can even Have a look at playing  with this for myself , have this point as a flag point awareness where whenever I  face a difficult or challenging moment or Relationship or point within myself or my  world and reality, just have a look at How it feels that very moment where I sink in Where that slight churning nausea comes within my side of plexus or stomach area and feel like in my very own body I'm  being drawn slightly toward the back of my  physical body !!I can also become aware of my  hands for example, especially because I'll feel like my fingers,  are not substantiated with my presence. If I was to hold my  own hands, I wouldn't really grasp it. I wouldn't really be able to hold it because I'm  not completely within my physical body it's like my  hands are kind of like zombie hands, there's no life in them at all, the Representation of how zombies kind of walk with their arms outstretched and their hands like all floppy That is representative of my beingness, my awareness not being aligned within the physical because my hands represent how it is that I handle or direct and mold and create things on a beingness awareness level and if I am shifted so completely into my  mind where my mind is in the process of sucking me into that dark hole that black hole within myself  What's happening is the mind is now taking a handle on things my mind is directing as controlling me is now in the process of creating the giving up process for me Instead of me being inside my body Equal and one and  testing also being in my hands and when I'm inside my body I can utilize my hands to assist and support myself in Checking my  alignments and relationships to the physical where if I  hold my own hands I  have a firm grasp where each and every single tip of my finger I can feel on my own hands And I can within that grasp or that clasping of my hands say I am here I am here. I am here now. 

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize the  practical application support and Assistance where I find I am being drawn back and pulled into my mind and that sinking already giving up experience starts coming up within me and I take a deep breath Clasp my own hands Hold them firm obviously not too tight that I hurt my own fingers and hands. It's a nice firm grip and I speak the words. I am here I am here I am here. And this I am here is it I realize that I am in my own body if I'm in my body I am then in my physical world my physical reality Which means I can then direct and change and create and mold my physical reality I'm the direct of principle of it 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to  to see realize and understand the extent of the shift that happens where in terms of inter-dimensionally physically,  how it also looks like some inter-dimension being is standing next to my ears and shouting where are you? Where are you? Your body is right here. Your reality is right here, The challenge is right here. , why aren't you simply here Directing it? moving?, but it's like instead of simply realizing that I'm in my body In my physical reality and I can direct things and change things I am completely coated with this energy substance that's veiling my entire head and ears and eyes and upper body area and , it's quite similar to Essentially in a morgue where someone is being where they place a sheet over the body and I've got the sheet that has been placed over my beingness.  It's like my beingness is dead in a way There's no life no participation no Expression at all. I'm completely in a trance within my own mind possessed with energy and now I have all these experiences in Relation to myself and the challenge or problem that I'm facing and again The inter-dimension being just want to stand next to me and shout in my ears :  It is only energy Get out of the energy be back in your body Stand up direct your world and your reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I don't have choice within the experience of giving up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that yes I do have choice. My beingness or awareness is Very much aware within my mind and within my body and within that awareness comes the responsibility of choice where I'm either going to accept and allow myself to be drawn into and pulled into the mind and initiate that giving up process and experience until eventually I actually give up or I am  going to make that decision to immediately pull myself back Into the here in my physical body to really ground myself and root myself within the realization that for me to direct things and change things all I need to do is be here within my physical body within my physical reality and find solutions.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that it's also quite interesting the illusion that the mind or consciousness can create in the sense of this particular energetic experience of giving up and How it takes over my beingness and awareness and physical body where, It makes it seem so impossible to ever be able to face or walk through the challenge or the problem that I am  facing when in fact if I just give myself that chance that opportunity to walk out of the emotional energy of Giving up I'll see for myself that the solution in physical reality Was actually more simple than I had initially perceived, because here again is another Equation that my mind conscious in the system takes into consideration,  it is really Those moments where I am at a pivotal point of change within myself in my world It's like I am  really at the simplest decision to make. I am really at the simplest action to take that would completely change me and my relationship to something or someone. And then obviously the mind has to come in and manipulate me with emotions to such an extent to control me into the illusion that the problem and the challenge is just too massive too big for me to possibly be able to face and there I so easily give up and give in to the mind.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to Place a challenge within my process where Whenever I face problems and the giving up comes, give myself that opportunity To not give up and see what happens.



I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand How many can say within their personal process or their lives have they ever turned themselves around When it came to giving up or giving in? I probably can't even count the amount of time on my own hand even with me most of the time giving up and giving in so already We're giving up and giving in is going to lead me so why not This time go the other way try the other routes  see what happens if I don't give up if I don't give in and apply the process of self-forgiveness and the practical application process that I had a look at within this article look at the challenge and the problem practically and realistically and within that Also establish the solutions, how it is that I'm going to solve this particular problem and challenge within myself And my world or reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the practical application process here is then to have a look at the giving up moment to do the breathing in the clasping of the hands the Directive statements of I am here. I am here. I am here and use a firm Stable voice  it is that sound that will really ground me within my physical body immediately after that I want to sit down and have a look at the problem and challenge and Map out and plan out for myself how am I  going to walk through it? how am I going to assist and support myself to see myself through the particular challenge or problem.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that even when I am  and while I am walking through the challenge and the problem I will learn a lot about myself. I  will learn some of my weaknesses some of my strengths things that I need to expand on and specify and or change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that it's it's one thing that is also that the mind wants to protect itself from is me Learning more about myself through walking difficult things within myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that if I keep backing down when things get difficult or challenging, I'm never going to know who I am or how I am  When times get tough.

I forgive my self that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand What is it that a part of me knows? When it comes to difficult or challenging and problematic things in my life That I in a way resist it when again That very resistance is simply showing that if I'd walk through that resistance I would find points of change and transcendence and then finally getting to the point of Why and how or rather continuing with it in why and how it is that giving up affects me? Mentally as well as physically.

### Self-Commitments

 I commit myself to understand how the giving up process affects me emotionally, mentally, and physically.

 I commit myself to recognize when my consciousness is manipulating and controlling my beingness and awareness.

 I commit myself to identify when I am aware of a challenge and how consciousness tries to manipulate that awareness into an emotional experience.

 I commit myself to face challenges directly, listing difficulties, identifying necessary changes, and finding solutions rather than being drawn into the mind's black hole.

 I commit myself to ground myself in my physical body and reality whenever I feel the sinking sensation of giving up, using physical actions such as clasping my hands and affirming "I am here."

 I commit myself to recognize when I am being pulled into my mind and to shift back into my physical body to handle challenges and problems directly.

 I commit myself to make the  choice to act within my physical body and reality, rather than being drawn into the mind's illusions.

 I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to face challenges without giving up, applying practical steps and self-forgiveness to see what happens.

I commit myself to map out and plan how to walk through challenges, identifying solutions and practical steps to support myself.

I commit myself to learn about myself, my strengths, and weaknesses by walking through difficult challenges.

I commit myself to understand that resistance to difficult or challenging tasks is an opportunity for change and transcendence.

 I commit myself to continue exploring why and how the process of giving up affects me mentally and physically.