Day 54 : Insecurity part 2. Day 13 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to release myself from the system of insecurity and find what self-expression I have kept from myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the mind systems or even energy is suppressing my true self, my real self-expression. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make my way through the maze of the mind to get to the gifts of and as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the wordplay with insecurity is consciousness actually experiencing itself very secure and safe and protected within and as the fears involved with insecurity.  And here is thus why I would react in insecurity, because it is a known. So I tend to always rather go into what it is that I know than venturing into the unknown.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remember that the unknown can only become the known if I create it so. In other words, the unknown will always remain unknown unless I get in there and I make it the known for myself.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand how with transcending insecurity as the known, I will program and create and establish myself, who I am as the known. So, in my relationship to insecurity, why it is that I have never really changed my relationship to it, but just over and over and over accepted and allowed myself to react in insecurity is because of this known and unknown factor. It's all that I know, it's all that I've ever known, so therefore I'll always go to what I know. And within this, to understand that consciousness itself is also involved here, because for consciousness, there is nothing else but insecurity.  It's all it knows, because it's all, it's the only way it's been pre-programmed to exist. But the question I have to ask myself within this is;  is that all that I want to be? Just always going into what I know or what consciousness knows as its own pre-programming? Or am I going to take the step within myself to walk into the unknown where only I stand? And in that unknown, where I stand, I have a platform and a potential to actually create myself. This is a change in how to approach the unknown.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to refuse to look at the unknown as a blank slate, a platform that belongs just to me, wherein I can create, program, construct and build who I want to be, how I want to be and what I'm going to live. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that when I have a collection of fears that I had lived in a habitual way, where over and over and over again, when I comes to the same circumstance or the same people in my external environment, I kept on accessing the same fears produced by similar thoughts or back-chats or projections and imaginations. Eventually, my consciousness just takes all of them and channels them into the insecurity platform in my back, so that in one moment, it's like all of them can activate at the same time, which creates the experience of insecurity. 


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that if I look in the past, taking the example of the social context, in the past, the mind would have gone through the very slow process of activating all sorts of thoughts and having back-chats and then generating all sorts of fears and emotions and worries and stresses and anxieties, until I eventually come to the social context and I am in a complete mind possession. Until eventually, the mind kind of goes, why go through all that trouble and just channel all of it into one moment, one system, so that when the social context come up even before I go and while I'm there, it can just activate all of it at once. So, what I will find is me in social contexts might not have particular thoughts that come up or back-chats or emotional reactions.  It's just like I'm immediately in this experience of insecurity and there might be thoughts coming up and back-chats coming up, but I'll find they'll be kind of evasive, like smoky, not very clear and they'll also move very fast. Because, the moment I do access the insecurity system, I do activate all, the whole mind construct that was involved with creating that insecurity in the first place. This is all the thoughts and the back-chats and the emotions and projections and things like that. 


So, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that my  first step to transcend insecurity is how to identify, what mind dimensions I have over time accumulated to create the mind construct of insecurity. And here I can utilize my memories or real-time events. So, I wants to observe what goes on in my mind before the social event or whomsoever it is that I'm going to be meeting and then also during and also after.   Because within those three time frames, I have to understand that when the mind activates a particular point, it starts activating it and bringing up all the points and then while I'm in it, all the points are activated and then afterwards it does take a moment or a while for the whole system or the whole construct to settle down. So, that's why I can get all the dimensions involved by looking at the time frame before, during and after. So, here I want to catch, if I will, and it will be a catching because the thoughts and the projections and the back-chats and the emotions can move really fast and this is because all of them have been channeled into this insecurity system. 


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that  the mind doesn't have to go through the whole slow process of bringing up the thought and having the being participate in it, then bringing up the energy and waiting for the energy to rise before it can bring up back-chats that takes a lot more energy and then let the back-chats come with their energy until more energy arise and then it can bring in projections, so consciousness has to like wait in that whole process whereas now everything is in a quantum moment activation. All of it at once gets highlighted in the insecurity system. So, this is why, all the mind dimensions will move really fast.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to have a look at simulating if I also prefer this approach where I really imagine that I am approaching a social context with particular people or I'm facing a particular person in my world, in my reality that I have reactions of insecurity toward and I want to see the point within myself and really allow myself to experience it as though it is real.  I forgive myself myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that even within this process, I have to remember, I can't lose myself within simulating a particular experience or event or person because firstly, I'm the one in direct of principle from the get-go. I'm making a decision to simulate the person or the social context or the people. And within that, I'm making the decision to have a look at who I really am in relationship to the person or the situation or the people/ So, within that whole process, I will find that my awareness is actually very stable.  Now, here, I then have three opportunities, if I will, in which I can for myself see who I am as insecurity. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allow myself to see realize and understand that Memories, where I had reactions of insecurity, the questions that I want to have a look at is what are the projections that come up? What are the thoughts that come up? What are the emotions? What is the backchat? Here, in memories, I may find that, nah, but, all I see is that I'm going into a reaction of insecurity, I feel inferior, I don't so much see any particular mind dimensions coming up.  Right here, what I want to do is the following. I want to take that memory where I can see I'm going into insecurity and that's inferiority and absolute fear in relation to another person, and I want to take the memory and kind of like become it, and what does that mean? So, what I do is I focus the memory inside myself, it's like I see it inside my head and my reaction in it, and I want to allow myself to like take that memory and like drop it down so that it moves like completely into my physical body so that my physical body for a moment becomes that insecurity reaction. So, what I have to see here is how I can practically take information that is in a memory and essentially release it in a way inside my physical body.  It's like I can imagine that the memory is containing water and it's got like a little plug in the bottom of it, and that I can pull that plug so that all the water gets released inside my physical. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that Energy works exactly the same way. I can take energy within a memory and kind of let it open up and disperse it completely inside my physical so I become the experience right here inside my body in real time. And it is in that moment that I want to see, as I'm experiencing it physically, what is the emotions that are coming up inside me? What am I experiencing? And then I can ask myself that question as well. what emotions am I aware of right now? What is it that I'm feeling? And I can say fear and insecure and I want to go more detailed and have a look again at the person that was in the memory. And here I can find a thought that comes up like, am I in trouble? Are they going to say I did something wrong? Did I do something wrong?  These type of thoughts or back-chats start coming up and I find in that what starts opening up is I had a projection even in that moment that, this person is going to say that I'm fired or didn't do my job properly or effectively enough. I made a mistake somewhere. 

I forgive myself myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that withing this process, I want to give myself the patience and the time to practice this. If initially utilizing this particular method, the thoughts or back-chats or projections and emotions doesn't open up and I can just feel that I'm in that insecurity, then simply unconditionally start applying self-forgiveness.  Start with that experience of insecurity. How did my physical body respond? Then go to the physical dimension only and through that I may find that more things will open up. I just want to find a starting point for myself. So then you go back to the memory.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that when I do this particular approach, I have to remember to unconditionally release the moment once I'm done with it. I don't want to keep myself yin insecurity. So once I have kind of downloaded the energy or the information in the memory into my body and just allow myself to physically experience, breathe everything in with a nice deep breath and breathe it all out.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that what is quite cool about this application as well is a reminder for me that I can direct energy. I can decide to in a moment become it and I can decide to in a moment let it go. So this might actually put me in a little bit of trouble when it comes to practical application in the future and I'm facing energy reactions and I'm accepting and allowing them because I know there's such an application in this moment is proving that I'm actually got no excuse to allow emotional reactions because I can decide if I'm going to let them in and activate or stop and change and let them go. 


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that to emphasize that point of letting it go I have to make sure that my body is stable again, I'm clear in that moment that I didn't stay in the insecurity reaction. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that when I'm in the memory and I tried this approach and I couldn't find any thoughts or back-chats and mind dimensions, then I only purely look at the physical dimension. Physical dimension meaning see what and how did my body respond to the insecurity.  See that I was slightly stepping back, like away from the person, that my shoulders were ever so slightly hunched, that I could feel in my voice I was unstable, I was kind of bouncing around my words, they weren't flowing like stuttering in a way and I was clutching or clenching my handbag or a book or, my body in some way and from here I then have a look at the walking the self-forgiveness process within the context of forgiving myself for not seeing, realizing, understanding how this emotional reaction of insecurity is affecting my physical body. That, I forgive myself  for and I focus on each physical dimension that I've become aware of that was affected by insecurity. That I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to clench my fists or, hold my handbag or my book so tight within and as this reaction of insecurity. That I forgive myself that I didn't accept and allow myself to trust me in that moment, be comfortable with me and just be physically comfortable within my body, but I'd placed it under the strain of the reaction of insecurity. 


So I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to more take the self-forgiveness from what it is that it's doing to the physical body and forgiving myself for allowing such a reaction and its consequence in the physical and, even in that process if it remains only within that context of the physical dimension in what the insecurity is doing to the physical and I still don't see any mind dimensions opening up, it's okay, I Don't  have to fret about it, or make it an issue within myself. If that's all that opens up, then leave it to that. There will be opportunities within my life where the insecurity will show more specifically.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that within the simulations as well, where simulate an event or a person or a group where I go into a reaction of insecurity, here also I can use my physical body, allow myself to for a moment physically go into that experience of insecurity and focus on, my solar plexus. There I will feel what emotions were involved, there will be movements starting in my solar plexus, if I can identify what energies are starting to move there and then see in that process what are the projections, the thoughts and the back-chats that come up. It's like as I'm going into the simulation and I see myself walking up to the group, oh already there my chest starts tightening up, hmm what is this anxiety and nervousness, okay and once I've identified the anxiety or nervousness as me in my simulation see I'm walking up to them, I get them immediately, I see my eyes are going to what they're wearing and what I'm wearing and already comparing, so there I have the dimension of comparison going on and feeling like, they look so much better than me  and then I'm thinking about money and they've got a lot of money and I don't have as much and that's making me insecure in the sense that, I cannot be equal to them and how they are presenting themselves, really play it out for myself unconditionally.

And here as well in the simulation I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that I don't want to go and create thoughts and back-chats and reactions and things, how do I make sure that I don't do that? Here it is the only point that I want to do with the simulation is I want to create like an opening, I am just simulating the event inside my mind so that the insecurity point can just open up by itself, so it's like I want to reference it being similar to where I am in a virtual reality game, okay, initially what I do is I just put on the glasses and the game is opening up from there doing the rest and it's not like when I go into a virtual reality that I'm creating the virtual reality as I'm playing it, I'm just putting on the glasses and the suit for example, so that simulation that I create inside myself is like just putting on the glasses and the suit and let the mind do the rest from there, so I want to be absolutely comfortable and relaxed within my body, just simulate it and walk it through inside myself, see myself walking up to them or see myself standing with the person, that's all I want to do and then from there just see what opens up inside me, what do I, how am I physically reacting, what thoughts am I having, what back-chats, it will naturally open up, but again if it doesn't don't force it, okay, never try and force this various practical application methods, it's not going to work, if I try and force them and or I react to them then I'm just going to create more problems for myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that if I'm doing these two practical application methods in the memories and the simulations and I find that I am reacting or becoming impatient or frustrated or anything like that, I have to stop, because doing these two methods, right, is where I am, it should simply be another practical approach, nothing more, nothing less, trying to find and see what opens up inside the mind, but if I'm going to make it something more or less, then what will be benefiting is my mind and not in fact myself,.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that we tend to be our own worst enemies in process, where we make things more difficult for ourselves than it needs to be, and if I still have that tendency inside myself of making things more difficult for myself , then I would rather just keep this process simple and do it in real time, okay, keep these two practical application methods as a flag point for myself, so that when in my day-to-day living I come to a reaction of insecurity as that inferiority and fear in relation to someone, that I in real time just observe myself, right, what's the emotions, what are the thoughts, what's the physical signs, what projections are coming up before, during and after.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to just unconditionally give this two applications a go, because it'll also give me a reference for where I am in my process in relation to the mind, in the context of making things more difficult for myself, if I find that I immediately become frustrated or impatient, because I haven't done these applications before, it means that I'm still,, when I'm facing challenges, I am reacting too fast, instead of giving myself the time to practice something, or to get to know me in relation to a particular point, when the mind brings challenges, I immediately go into fight or flight, instead of let me understand this, let me give myself the opportunity to understand this, so then if I has then those relationships to the first two applications, stick to rather than the real-time references, and within this, the sounding of self-forgiveness, because I'm working with a mind construct, a system, I want to keep my voice gentle and stable, physically natural, because these mind constructs channel me into the mind, and I now want to channel myself essentially back into physical stability, and that I use through a naturally stable gentle voice.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the practical application process for insecurity is identifying as many thoughts and back-chats or projections and emotions that I activate when I go into insecurity, and walk myself again this process in relation to them, and it might not even be a once-off thing, I'll find new points opening up as I'm walking this process of insecurity, when in the future I react to insecurity again, I can find there's new things that I haven't noticed before, because I have to remember, the mind had channeled a lot of points into this insecurity system over time, so therefore it's going to be a process.