Day 56 : Confidence part 1. Day 15 of 21.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to specifically look at identifying confidence more within the context of my job, profession, or relationships with others, or more generally focusing on the confidence-insecurity polarity in relation to my external world, because that's where I can see it more clearly. Our external world is the mirror of our internal world.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that the self-forgiveness process in relation to confidence is going to be challenging for some because there's something about confidence that one would not want to let go of. In one's mind, the experience of confidence is what assists and supports me in relation to my job, profession, or a relationship with someone.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to identify a point in my world where I go into the experience of confidence. I see it right now in front of me at one point, seeing a play-out of myself doing my job, interacting with a person, playing a sport, or whatever it is where I have the experience of confidence. Now, in that play-out, just take out the experience of confidence, and what do you see? If you take out the experience of confidence within yourself, you'll find that you will still be able to play the sport, do your job, and interact with a human being.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that the experience of confidence is more just a sensation within the mind, whereas my relationship to what I do or who I am is a physical process. It is a physical doing; it's a physical interaction. I don't need an experience of confidence to be able to physically do something effectively in this physical world and reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to notice here that the illusion the experience of confidence creates is that it is the experience of confidence and the experience of confidence only that is my pillar for why I do my job effectively, why I play the sport effectively, or why I interact with this human being effectively, when in fact it is not. What determines my effective relationship to something is how I do it, how I express myself through my physical body, how I move, how I interact, how I communicate. Those are all physical things.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that if an experience of confidence had such power alone within itself to transform a human being through their physical participation into becoming so absolutely successful and effective within what they do and how they interact, then we could have educated all children in this world to access the experience of confidence, just upload it and experience it inside their minds and bodies, and then we'd have only successful, confident, effective children going into this world and reality as grown-ups. Then we'd have a humanity that's all confident, effective, and successful within who they are, what they do, and how they live. Fortunately, it doesn't work that way.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that the initial step of releasing this confidence experience is that I've got to realize it's actually me doing all the work when I am confident and effective or successful within the work that I do, the particular person, my sports, or my hobbies and things like that. It's me and how I physically express myself. The energy is like this force that comes over the mind and says, "No, it's not you; it's not how you physically live or express yourself. It's me, it's the energy; I'm doing all of this for you."

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that just in that relationship where I place more trust in an energy than in myself and my physical doing and physical participation, I'm starting to see how clever and sly the mind consciousness system is when it comes to energies, both emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that the context of the self-forgiveness that I'm going to look at here is just this: forgiving myself for accepting and allowing myself to place more trust in an individual energy than in myself and my physical action, doing, or living expression in this real world where I haven't ever really recognized myself but have only recognized the energy that is apparently the driving force behind my effectiveness or success and things like that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place more trust in an individual energy than in myself and my physical action, doing, or living expression in this real world where I haven't ever really recognized myself but have only recognized the energy that is apparently the driving force behind my effectiveness or success and things like that.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that if I also look at my life where I may have utilized the excuse of, "I cannot do this; I'm not confident enough," there again that relationship is already pre-programmed within me, that I need my confidence experience, I need my confidence energy. I cannot do this, I cannot live out a particular skill, capability, or action alone. Me? Never. I need my confidence energy. So, I can essentially also open this up in more areas in my life and see where I am depending on an energy for me to be something or someone instead of me making a decision and living out that decision through simple movement and action, skill enhancements, communication, and things like that.

So, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that the self-forgiveness process involves forgiving myself for trusting the energy more. Here, I use the specific words: in what relationships on a beingness level have I attached to the confidence energy to keep it there? So, it's the trusting the energy more than myself, it's in not recognizing myself in what I am capable of and able to do and be, but instead recognizing and making the energy more than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust the energy more than myself, not recognizing myself in what I am capable of and able to do and be, but instead recognizing and making the energy more than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have this relationship of making the energy more and making myself less because I've given the energy the superiority. Here comes the point of superiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that in going into the confidence construct, it is not me on a beingness physical level that goes into a real authority or superiority as confidence. No, it's not. The confidence construct itself feels confident. Therefore, I am this being that is going into the confidence construct, like a waterfall in my chest area, like water that's falling, and I am going and walking into that waterfall, standing in and underneath that waterfall with the water rushing over me. Therefore, the waterfall would represent the confidence energy. I am experiencing the confidence energy as the confidence energy experiences itself as confident. Therefore, when I access that confidence construct in a moment in relation to something or someone or somewhere in my world and reality, it creates this illusion of superiority and authority. And that's not real. It's all pre-programmed within the confidence construct itself.

So, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that the third point is the superiority-inferiority, making confidence superior and me inferior.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that those three primary dimensions are the three primary relationships that would influence and affect my relationship to myself and my own physical capability. I can also walk this in a practical application process for myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to go and do my job, hobby, sports, or interacting with a group or a person where this confidence comes up, and I simply in that moment decide, "Okay, I'm letting the confidence go," and I breathe the confidence in and breathe it out, letting the energy or the experience go. For a moment, I let myself just be here and stable with myself. And I'll find nothing changes; I still do my job exactly the same way. I'll still be able to physically express myself in my sports as I've always done. I'll be able to interact with the person or the people as I've always done. Nothing will change because the confidence is just an energy construct that is keeping my confidence-insecurity system stabilized within my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that essentially what is really within and behind the confidence is more the mind wanting to protect the insecurity. This is why the confidence construct is in the forefront, situated within the chest area. It's more visible and definitive.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that I might, for example, have been able to more easily see in my world where I'm confident, whereas it was a little bit more difficult to identify the insecurities because the insecurity system is hidden in the back of the physical body by the spine, so that I can't access it or see it so clearly. The confidence system is in the forefront; I can feel it, I can experience it, I can become it. The mind can show me what it is, what it experiences, what it feels like. It's right there in my face, but the insecurities are, for the most part, hidden within my mind and my relationship to my external world and reality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look at the sounding of self-forgiveness that will assist and support with releasing the confidence construct.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look there and find that I'm going to have this experience in my solar plexus of wanting to hold on to it. It's going to be there, it's going to be this uncomfortable feeling of "But can I? Must I? It doesn't feel right." Like I have to, I mean, I can't see anything wrong with going into confidence. It's like those types of backchats that would personify the particular uncomfortable movement that I have

 within my solar plexus. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand it is simply the mind manipulating in a way because the mind would want me to hold on to that confidence construct because it's getting an exceptional amount of energy from the insecurity construct. Whether I access security or insecurity more in my own mind or in my external world and reality, the mind wants to hold on to the insecurity construct, the negative energy, the emotional energy. So within this, I have to just remind myself, as long as I stay in this confidence construct, I will polarize myself into the positive experience of confidence. Once I polarize myself into the confidence construct and I have walked the insecurity construct, the platform of that insecurity construct is still going to be there. So, I'm then going to fuel the confidence construct with positive energy, and then it's going to have to balance out. That confidence construct is interconnected with the insecurity construct. I inter-dimensionally physically can see these two constructs are completely interconnected. It's not like these separate systems where I can let the insecurity construct go and hold on to the confidence construct. It doesn't work like that. It is like the statement of wanting to exist in two worlds in a way. I want to be in the physical, but then I also still want to have my confidence experience. I can't have both worlds. It's either one or the other because if I'm going to hold on to the confidence, it will activate the insecurity. It'll just come out in my world in a different way, in a different relationship, in a new moment, and things like that. So, essentially, it's all up to me. If I really want to hold on to a confidence experience that only exists in relation to some aspects of my world and reality, go ahead. If I want to live with insecurity as well in my life, and within that polarity, I want to also open myself up for other points, dimensions, reactions, and polarities in the mind to exist. But if I'm serious and I can see for myself, I can do that list, seeing where in my world is confidence, where in my world is insecurity. I can see how I'm keeping this polarity existent within my own mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand how this whole polarity system is going to change what is self-confidence really as a living expression. And how is that self-confidence an expression that will always be existent within myself no matter who I, who I'm with, or where I am, or what I do, it is equal. And then it's not based on an activation or a reaction to a limited few things in my world in my reality it is something that's here as a living expression that I decide to become or express or live in a moment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see rezalize and understand that the sounding of self-forgiveness that I can have here is with the confidence experience and taking on those three primary dimensions, I want to use a very sharp direct tone almost similar to for example like what would come up as a representation of the sound is of a parent or a principal teacher that would usually stand with their one fist on their hip and pointing the finger doing this really stern serious but quite intense talk with a child, but not like in an emotional way, just that that stance of : hey you what are you doing what are you up to it's like kind of that tonality that I want to use because I have to assist and support myself in my voice tonality to have the discipline to stop and change myself in relation to positive energy and the confidence energy is one of the difficult ones because it does create that illusion very well that I cannot do things without it type thing so it's like I've got to give myself a discipline to talking to like a real reminder of hey what are you doing this is an energy you are limiting yourself inferiorizing yourself this is unacceptable bring yourself back to yourself type thing.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the voice tonality sounding self-forgiveness in relation to confidence is like that that discipline to give an example.

 I forgive myself for not accepting an d allowing myself to see realize and understand that if I take it from the dimension of trust so to have a look at my physical body as well i would do a nice where my back is straight and I'm sitting down chin nicely up I can slightly avert my eyes forward as though I am like  looking at myself and really  inserting and emphasizing that point of discipline like listen you cannot participate in this energy it is creating an illusion and you're separating you from yourself type thing?

 so here I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I can start with : 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this  energy of confidence more than myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself my physical expression my physical action but instead separated me from myself my body this physical reality with misplacing my trust into and as the energy of confidence.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand how an energy of confidence can make me miss myself miss my physical behavior and action and expression in physical reality.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see me, to recognize me, to within this really realize my relationship to me in physical reality but instead blinded myself from myself from my physical body from physical reality through accessing and becoming possessed by this confidence energy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remember it is about sound and do not if I have existent within myself like any form of a tendency of breaking myself down or bullying myself or judging myself and stuff like that and I try and utilize the self-forgiveness to like take it out on myself and not acceptable, if I find that I cannot do this disciplined kind of gentle strict tonality with myself without accessing that point of inserting emotion into it where it's like I want to take things out on myself then first walk a self-forgiveness process for a moment in that emotion that comes through in my voice or my behavior that I pick up where I'm accessing an emotion that I want to take out on myself. It must be a pure voice only sound only tonality.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk this practical application process to release myself from the confidence construct and then I can go test it out for myself in my world and realize that all I need to get things done is a decision in myself and the living thereof.