Day 59 : Confidence part 3. Day 18 of 21.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to open up some more dimensions in relation to the change within self, with walking from a mind construct or system that create an experience and from there to an actual living self-expression. 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I have this tendency within myself to want to know things and what that mean specifically is I first want to accumulate knowledge and information before I understand something. Now, from a mind perspective that is valid, meaning obviously when I am working with something I first need to have the knowledge and information of what I'm working with to be able to understand myself in relation to that something and from there be able to work with it effectively.  In physical reality that same process exists but from a different perspective, meaning that when I am getting into actual physical practical application, I actually accumulate knowledge and information and so understanding through taking the actual first steps of getting into the practical application process. So, my understanding process comes more from actually physically practically doing things and here I'm going to have a look at ensuring that I do not misunderstand my physical process by trying to impose on it the mind's process of first accumulating knowledge and information before understanding. For example self confidence.

I forgive myself for accepting allowing myself to see realize and understand that I want to first have the knowledge and information of what self-confidence is as an expression. Who am I going to be when I practically live and apply self-confidence? But now, this self-confidence as an expression can only come from actual physical practical moment-to-moment living. Therefore, I'm not going to have knowledge and information that can explain to me the understanding of who I'm going to be as self-confidence, as a living expression.

I forgive myself for not accepting allowing myself to see realize and understand that I have to discover that and understand that for myself through practically applying the steps that I have illustrated within the previews articles in this blog, where I first walk out of the polarity of confidence experience and insecurity experience and where I have a platform reference of what self-confidence is in terms of the references that I can use for myself in relation to being stable. That self-confidence exists within being stable, constant and consistent within what I do, who I communicate with, what I work with. And from that platform reference of what self-confidence is, I myself then have to go ahead and apply and live myself from that particular platform.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that I  have to find out for myself who I'm going to be as an individual withing self confidence. . 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to found that within this process of releasing myself from positive and negative polarities, where all that I have known was confidence as an experience and insecurity as an experience.  And so therefore, I'm not going to know who I'm going to be and how I'm going to be when I apply and live self-confidence. And it's that particular point right there of not knowing that tends to create resistance or fear or any form of reactions within myself. So I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to understand that those reactions or experiences of resistance or fear, of letting go of the insecurity experience and the confidence experience is more coming from my mind, my consciousness, because it always only wants knowledge and information.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that when I am walking my process of practicing living self-confidence, where I establish that trust within myself, because I'm walking something or doing something consistently within stability, and that trust emerge and from that trust, the self-confidence, that as I'm walking that process to become aware of any moments where my  mind goes into, like, I can't do this and I don't know how to and, what is self-confidence really? And what if I don't get it? And what if I again create a construct out of it in my mind, any such fears or worries or concerns? It's those points that I also in moments want to walk just a quick self-forgiveness statement with myself and bring myself back to the basics of what I have committed to walk, where I remind myself I'm  walking out of the experience construct of insecurity, out of the experience construct of confidence, and I am now settling myself into the practical application process of real self-confidence. 

So I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that the more I just bring myself back to reminding myself of what it is that I'm walking within my process, the mind won't interfere as much. I just remind myself that, listen, I cannot have the knowledge and information first of walking a physical process. I'm going to obtain the knowledge and information and understanding from the physical, from physical reality, from the feedback that I get from my world and my reality as I apply myself physically. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that if there's one area in my life where I found that I had the dynamics of confidence as well as insecurity, and this even in relationship to one person, where I felt I had this confidence within me when I would do particular physical activities with them, like sports, but when it came to communication, there was insecurity involved. And now I have walked my process of finding and discovering that I've been holding this polarity in place through keeping the confidence experience in place when I was doing sports or activities, and keeping thus through that the insecurity experience in place when I was  communicating or opening up or being intimate.  And now I  have prepared myself to walk the self-confidence process and how it is that I needed to change the insecurity experience to become self-confident within it. And I found that I needed to change my relationship to communication, to words, to opening up, to being intimate. And so now I start walking my practical physical process every single moment that I face the insecurity experience coming up again, where I speak a forgiveness statement, not accepting and allowing the insecurity.  I inside myself remind myself of the commitments that I've spoken, and I start changing my voice as I'm communicating. I start becoming more physically comfortable. I change how I'm sitting.  Even some insecurities and resistances might come up while I'm speaking, and in real time, I breathe through them and push through them. And so every single time I keep to that practical application process. If I do all of that, I'll find within that my natural self-confidence, stability, consistency and trust will emerge with it.

So I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the physical process of becoming a living word or a living expression is something that will emerge.  It's something that will birth every time I in real time change mysel, utilize the tools effectively, stick to my practical commitments.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I will find in process that there is that resistance to actual real time change to really apply myself, where I use the tools when and as I'm, for example, communicating and I see the insecurity coming, I speak a quick self-forgiveness statement, a commitment statement, the resistance has come, I breathe, I stabilize myself.  It's a fascinating process that really exists within such moments, those opportunities of finding, who I am in relation to the mind and also I change. And so I will have resistances because from a certain perspective within my mind, again, this point of knowledge and information comes up and rear its head where I first want to know who I'm going to be and how I'm going to be when I change before I change.


So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that it's a quite a, it's a very subtle point that exists in the mind and it is not so obvious, but it does come through and show itself when I don't apply myself in real time and I instead let the mind run its course and do its thing.

So within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have a look at my writings that I do and my self-forgiveness as well, where it's like I often use projections of who I could be or how I could be. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that those projections are cool to use as references, but I have to not make them absolute because, they're representative of knowledge and information that I now am trying to impose on reality, a physical process.  And often when we use projections and impose it on physical reality, we forget the process that we have to walk in physical reality first. And that process is that real time change that I do within myself, where the moment the insecurity comes up, the moment the confidence comes up, the experience, I do a forgiveness, I speak a commitment, I do breathing, change my body, I push to stabilize my voice, I push to stabilize my participation, all of it. It is like, if I have a look at this process interdimensionally, physically, I can see how the being inside like moves and change and aligns into the physical.  And then I see the substance move into the mind and the being moves back into the body. And I can actually see the beingness expand within that process of change, shifting from the mind, back into the body, stabilize. And as the beingness or my presence, my awareness starts committing to a change, like using the real time process walking of insecurity in relation to communication, like this person is busy communicating, and they can hear their voices going like soft and like unsure, and there's the fear and insecurity coming. And then they go, they speak the forgiveness, like inside themselves, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into insecurity in this moment, I stop and then they change their voice deliberately speaking instability, lifting their chin, pushing out their chest just ever so slightly, sitting up more. Now in that moment, I can see like this resonance release within the physical body, where they're making that physical statement of this is who I am in this moment, this is my change. And it actually in that resonance, it manifests a memory within myself and the physical body, a memory of that change that manifests.  And it's interesting, because this memory is not a mind memory, where I've got like a moment of interaction in reality that has now been stored and contained in this little box with information and energy. No, this is a real physical memory, because that moment of change resonates throughout the entire physical body, like in an equal platform, it creates this layer, this foundation within the physical.
So I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to also consider this particular dimension that happens every time I actually apply a change and live it.  That's how this process is then worked from a physical perspective.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to watch out for those projections as well that I do in writing and forgiveness. Because what will also contribute then to my falling is because a part of me within myself know that the projections are not reality. And from that perspective, I will then not be able to in a quantum moment, live the projections as I had created them in my writing and self forgiveness. And therefore I will fall in a way, because, the projections do not match reality, and there will be that point of disappointment, if I will. So rather align my process into real time, meaning take it moment by moment.  And in those moments, I walk and change and correct and direct what I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that  it's like really also moving and shifting myself within myself to the here to always when I'm doing my writing and my self forgiveness, and especially my commitment statements, the commitment statements is of utmost importance, because there I can start aligning myself into real time application, I can assess for myself how extensive the insecurity is, or the confidence experience.  That mean, how much is it going to take and how long if I will, for me to walk out of and change my relationship to insecurity and confidence as an experience. You can simulate it for myself as well. And I can, when I'm writing my commitments, this is something that I can do as additional support and assistance is like simulate a moment or an interaction within myself.  Like for example, using this confidence experience and insecurity within activities and communication where I can self honestly within myself, simulate a moment of communication, feel the reactions do like, create like a scenario of me facing it feel, what's coming up, how am I experiencing myself, what emotions are present, what self forgiveness needs to be spoken, what commitment statements work, practice how to change the voice and the body. And from that simulation of a scenario, I can get a relative idea of, the moment to moment application that's going to be needed the moment to moment process that is going to have to be walked, that it is going to be a process that is what I have to remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that within this, a process does not relate to time. Process relates to every single time that I access the insecurity or the confidence that I apply myself, change and stand up. It is a process of change meaning to change myself from the insecurity and confidence to self confidence.

Therefore, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to utilize every opportunity as a stepping stone of change, and shift my relationship to the mind from accepting and allowing myself to fall to give up to give in to saying in my writing and self forgiveness and commitment phase from this moment, every time a new moment opens up will be my opportunity of changing insecurity and confidence to self confidence. 


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that's a decision and an application that I have to make for myself and stick to within myself.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand within individuals processes is that there's still too much of a the reins are being given to the mind too much still, where even despite doing writing and self forgiveness and commitments, I reach the moments and the opportunities there, but I still fall into the same patterns, which would mean that my decision and practical application process has not been firm enough within myself. My starting point in approaching change is not effective enough. So, then it brings me back into opening up and investigating, essentially, I don't want to make the process of change like this big thing, that also polarizes the whole problem solution point, because now I am  facing this the problem point, which is the insecurity and the confidence as an experience.  And now it's like, okay, we have to change. We're gonna do this. I'm gonna get this done.  Now I must just prepare myself, get everything ready, and then I'm making the change process like superior. And the problem point, like inferior initially, now I get to the actual physical moment. And now the polarity inside myself has to balance itself out.  And then the problem becomes superior. And then my change motivation becomes the inferior.
So I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to just look at it very practically, realistically, mathematically, like, wrote it all out, did my self-forgiveness, here's my commitments, I have mapped out what the problems are, insecurity, confidence experience.  So now, when I get to the moment, just apply the self-forgiveness, commitments and change. That's it. I don't want to make anything more or less. Simply, this is what it is. This is the problem. This is the solution.  This is what I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch out for that dimension within my process as well, because it will interfere in the moment of me getting to the opportunity of change.  It's not equal. The problem and solution must exist on the same baseline. It is what it is and what I have to do.