Day 67 : Navigating Distractions and Staying Committed

I was working on preparing for my job interview. As I felt sleepy and tired, I searched for music on YouTube to wake up. While searching, I found a chess video, which led me to spend days watching YouTube, scrolling, and chatting.

I noticed that the sleepiness and tiredness I felt were not just physical but also mental. My mind was overwhelmed with the amount of preparation needed for the job interview. Instead of breathing or exercising to rejuvenate myself, I fell into the habit of looking for distractions. Finding the chess video provided an easy escape from the pressure I was feeling. This led to a cycle of watching videos, scrolling through short videos, and chatting, which consumed days of my time and pulled me away from my goals.

As I continued to engage in these distractions, I felt a mix of guilt and frustration. I knew I was avoiding my responsibilities, but the allure of these distractions was strong. It became clear that I was using these activities to numb the stress and anxiety associated with preparing for the interview. I allowed myself to be drawn into this cycle, knowing it was counterproductive, yet struggling to break free from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sleepy and tired while working on my job interview

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts : "I need something to wake me up. Maybe some music will help. "Why am I feeling so exhausted? This isn’t just physical tiredness." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enhance and add on the physical experience of feeling sleepy and tired by participating on those thoughts instead of acting on the physical by deep breathing or taking a quick nap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the preparation to new job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts of : "There’s so much to prepare for this interview. How will I get through all of this?" "My mind feels overloaded with all the information I need to absorb." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate the emotional state and backchat of overwhelmed and exhausted with the preparation instead of stopping and taking deep breath while preparing for my job interview.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for distractions from my job preparation by thinking and participating with thoughts like : "Let me just find something on YouTube to keep me awake." "Oh, a chess video. This looks interesting. I’ll just watch one." And by doing so I just give up on my plan and goal and become completely a slave to the mind. So I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that by listening and participating to a small thought like lets watch a chess video I caught myself into the mind possession, and as I did that I become the mind slave for days and days. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see and observe those kind of thoughts or any thought to just stop and breath and focus on physical activity I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loop in this cycle of distractions by thinking and participating in thoughts like : "I’ve been watching videos for hours. I should get back to my preparation." "Why can’t I stop scrolling? I’m wasting so much time." Not seeing that those thoughts keep me this loop and this possession. And so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to when and as I did seen myself in possession to stop take a deep breath and write or sound self forgiveness and move myself to do what is best for me and all in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty and frustrated for avoiding my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts: "I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m avoiding what I need to do." "Why do I keep falling into this pattern? I’m so frustrated with myself." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enhance the emotional states of guilt and frustration by participating in these thoughts instead of stopping, taking a deep breath, and gently redirecting myself to my preparation tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to numb my stress and anxiety through distractions instead of facing and addressing these feelings directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts: "Preparing for this interview is stressing me out. These videos are a good escape." "I just need a break from all this anxiety." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use distractions as a way to avoid dealing with my stress and anxiety instead of finding healthier coping mechanisms like breathing exercises, self-forgiveness, or taking short breaks to rejuvenate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to struggle to break free from the cycle of distractions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts: "I need to stop and get back to work. But it’s so hard to pull myself away." "I know this is counterproductive, but the distractions are so tempting." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless in breaking free from these distractions instead of taking a deep breath and making a conscious decision to redirect my focus back to my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be aware of my counterproductive behavior yet continue to engage in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts: "This is just making things worse. I’m getting further behind on my preparation." "I can’t believe I let this consume days of my time." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the cycle of distraction by focusing on these self-critical thoughts instead of forgiving myself and gently bringing my focus back to my tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use better coping mechanisms to handle stress and tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and participate with the thoughts: "Maybe I should have taken a walk or done some breathing exercises instead." "I need to find a healthier way to deal with this stress and tiredness." And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take immediate action on these healthier alternatives when I recognize the need for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enhance the physical and emotional experience of stress and anxiety by not addressing it with practical solutions like deep breathing, taking short naps, or doing quick physical activities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into the trap of distractions while preparing for my job interview. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel tired and search for ways to wake up, which led me to spend days unproductively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that behind wanting to listen to music or watch youtube  was the emotions and mind construct of mental tiredness meaning that my mind was tired from me being the directive principle and living here with the physical without energy for days and so my mind initiate the process of giving up by activating the emotions, personalities and backchat of tiredness, feeling asleep, feeling bored.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the emotion of tiredness, instead of deep breathing and being aware of the physical focusing on tasks I am doing physically.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that that my mind was trying to cope with the discomfort and pressure by seeking out activities that provided instant gratification. Watching YouTube, especially videos on topics I enjoy like chess, offers a quick and easy source of entertainment and distraction. It gives my mind a break from the intense focus and effort required for preparation. The gratification comes from the immediate pleasure and relaxation these activities provide, which temporarily relieves the stress and anxiety. However, this only delayed my progress and added to my stress. By recognizing this pattern, I can take steps to address it and find healthier ways to manage my emotions and stay focused on my tasks.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to face  discomfort and pressure with breathing and writing self-forgiveness instead of seeking distractions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that the only way that my mind get the most extensive energy from my physical body is by making me completely give up on myself when and as I fall in old addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face and write about thoughts emotions and backchats that I experience when and as I fall in old addiction.

I commit myself to write about thoughts emotions and backchats that I experience when and as I fall in old addiction.

 I commit myself to recognize when I am feeling mentally and physically tired and take appropriate actions like deep breathing, taking short naps, or doing quick physical activities to rejuvenate myself.

I commit myself to stop and take a deep breath whenever I notice myself being drawn towards distractions like YouTube, scrolling, or chatting, and instead refocus on my tasks and goals.

I commit myself to use healthier coping mechanisms like breathing exercises, self-forgiveness, or taking short breaks to handle stress and anxiety, instead of seeking distractions.

I commit myself to be aware of my thoughts and emotions and redirect myself gently back to my preparation tasks whenever I notice myself feeling guilty, frustrated, or overwhelmed.

I commit myself to practice self-forgiveness and refocus on my goals whenever I recognize that I have been engaging in counterproductive behavior or self-critical thoughts.

I commit myself to address stress and anxiety with practical solutions like deep breathing, taking short naps, self-forgiveness or doing quick physical activities instead of allowing these feelings to drive me towards distractions.

I commit myself to observe any self-critical thoughts and stop them by taking a deep breath and focusing on what I can do in the present moment to move forward.

I commit myself to face discomfort and pressure directly by breathing, writing self-forgiveness, and taking practical steps instead of seeking distractions.

I commit myself to consistently introspect and write about the thoughts, emotions, and backchats that I experience, especially when I fall into old addiction patterns.

I commit myself to maintain focus on my goals and not allow distractions to pull me away from my preparation and tasks.