Day 77 : Facing the Discomfort of Disconnection: A Journey of Self-Forgiveness

 Tonight, I found myself reflecting on the connection I once had with a female partner through a daily mastermind session where we supported each other in staying connected with who we are, doing writing and self-forgiveness, and staying grounded in the physical. We had a routine of meeting every day, which served as a consistent anchor in our relationship. However, last week I didn't show up for the meeting, and as a result, we lost touch for more than thirteen days.

As I thought about reconnecting with her tonight, I decided to send her a message and give her a call. To my disappointment, she didn’t respond to either. In that moment, I felt a sense of discomfort wash over me, a feeling that lingered and seemed to be tied to more than just the lack of response.

Throughout the day, I noticed that my thoughts often drifted to her. I found myself frequently thinking about what I would say to her and what our interactions might be like. This pattern of thinking pointed to something deeper—an obsession that has begun to take root within me.

The discomfort I felt when she didn’t respond was not just about her silence; it was about the fear of losing the connection we had built. I realized that my thoughts were becoming consumed by this relationship, and I was placing too much of my focus and energy on it.

Upon deeper reflection, I recognized that the guilt I felt for missing the meetings was contributing to this discomfort. There was also a sense of anxiety about whether she would want to continue the connection at all. This obsession seemed to be driven by an underlying need for validation, connection, and perhaps control over the situation, which I was attempting to fulfill through this relationship.

In this writing, I aim to explore these emotions and thought patterns, understand their origins, and use self-forgiveness to release them. I also commit to redirecting my focus toward my own growth and well-being, ensuring that my actions are guided by self-honesty and self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discomfort when she didn't respond to my message and call, instead of understanding that I cannot control her responses and that she may have her reasons for not replying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not showing up for the meetings over the past thirteen days, instead of understanding that I can choose to learn from this and move forward without self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with thoughts of her throughout the day, constantly thinking about what I would say to her, instead of directing my focus towards my own growth and responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the connection with her, instead of trusting that I can establish and maintain healthy connections with others based on mutual respect and communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the connection with her as a way to fulfill certain needs within myself, instead of addressing these needs directly and introspect, write and forgive those mental needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel an emptiness within me that I have tried to fill by seeking validation from others, particularly females, instead of recognizing that  need of validation comes from living in separation. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in separation instead of recognizing and  living in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that companionship with others, especially females, will fill the void I feel inside, instead of understanding that this void is a call to build a deeper connection with myself and with my physical substance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek emotional support from others as a way to cope with my insecurities or discomfort, instead of developing the ability to provide that support to myself through self-understanding and self-compassion.

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that forming connections with others will give me control over my emotional state, instead of realizing that true emotional stability comes from physical stability and addressing all those emotions through introspecting, writing,  self forgiveness and self correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incomplete without external connections, instead of recognizing that I am one and equal with all the physicals. No separation.

I commit myself to release the discomfort I feel when others don't respond as I expect, and instead, I will focus on my own stability and self-responsibility.

I commit myself to let go of guilt over past actions, recognizing that I can always choose to learn and grow from my experiences without self-punishment.

I commit myself to refocus my attention on my own growth and development, redirecting my attention away from obsession and toward constructive actions.

I commit myself to trust in the natural flow of relationships, knowing that I cannot control others, but I can control how I respond and engage.

I commit myself to address and introspect my own needs directly, without relying on others to provide me with a sense of validation or worth.

I commit myself to explore and understand the emptiness I feel, recognizing it as an opportunity to deepen my relationship with myself rather than seeking fulfillment externally.

I commit myself to build a strong foundation of self-worth and self-acceptance, so that I no longer rely on external validation to feel complete or valued.

I commit myself to develop self-compassion and the ability to emotionally support myself, knowing that I can address my own needs without depending on others to fill them.

I commit myself to let go of the belief that external relationships are necessary to control or stabilize my emotional state, and instead, I will cultivate inner stability through self-awareness and self-care.

I commit myself to recognize my wholeness and completeness, understanding that I am capable of addressing my needs and desires from within, without relying on external sources.