Day 79 : The mind pattern of watching YouTube

### **Identifying the Problem**

Over the past two days, I've noticed a pattern of behavior that has disrupted my focus and productivity. Despite having a plan for the day, including tasks related to work and preparing for my job interview, I found myself spending excessive amounts of time watching random videos on YouTube. These sessions were unplanned and interfered with my ability to achieve my goals.

### **Emotional Landscape**

**Before Watching:**

- **Tiredness:** At times, I felt physically or mentally drained, which made the idea of watching videos seem like a way to relax.

- **Excitement:** Particularly with chess videos, I felt a surge of excitement and interest, which drew me into watching more.

- **Procrastination:** There were moments when I used video-watching as a way to delay tasks I found challenging or intimidating.

**During Watching:**

- **Empathy and Sympathy:** Some videos elicited strong emotional reactions, making me feel connected to the content and invested in continuing.

- **Sadness and Tears:** Certain videos evoked sadness, leading me to become emotionally absorbed in what I was watching.

- **Enjoyment and Happiness:** Other videos provided entertainment and joy, which made it hard to stop watching.

**After Watching:**

- **Regret:** After spending so much time on YouTube, I felt regret for not using that time more productively.

- **Deception:** I also felt a sense of self-deception, as I had knowingly chosen to avoid my responsibilities.

### **Underlying Beliefs**

I've identified several beliefs that seem to contribute to this behavior:

- **Survival Mentality:** I hold the belief that I am just surviving and that I don't really need a job, which reduces my motivation to prepare for my interview.

- **Contentment with Current Life:** There's a belief that I'm already enjoying my life as it is, so there's no pressing need to change or improve it.

- **Deserved Break:** I often tell myself that I've worked enough and deserve a break, leading me to relax rather than stay focused on my tasks.

- **Procrastination Comfort:** I believe that I can handle things later, which justifies delaying important tasks in favor of immediate gratification.

### **Thought Patterns**

When I decided to watch the videos, several specific thoughts and justifications came up:

- **"Open YouTube and Enjoy":** This thought often initiates the behavior, with the promise of quick entertainment.

- **"I Feel Tired and Sleepy":** I use this as an excuse to avoid work, convincing myself that I need rest.

- **"I Want to Relax":** This thought justifies procrastination by framing it as a necessary break.

- **Justifications:** I often tell myself things like "Let's watch just one video," knowing deep down that it will likely lead to more.

### **Behavioral Patterns**

I've recognized some recurring patterns and triggers that lead to this behavior:

- **Post-Meal Routine:** I tend to watch YouTube videos after eating, whether it's breakfast, lunch, or dinner. This has become a habitual way to transition from one part of the day to another.

- **Fatigue Triggers:** Feelings of tiredness or sleepiness often trigger my urge to watch videos as a form of passive rest.

### Self-Forgiveness Statements

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tiredness before watching YouTube videos and use this as an excuse to avoid my responsibilities.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel excitement about watching chess videos, prioritizing this over my plan for the day.

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience procrastination and use it as a justification to avoid preparing for my job interview.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret and deception after watching YouTube videos instead of using that time productively.

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the belief that I am just surviving and don't need a job, which gives me permission to waste time.

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am enjoying my current life and therefore don't need to focus on improving it through work or preparation.

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve a break and should relax, even when I have important tasks to accomplish.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can handle things later, which leads to procrastination and avoidance.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, "Open YouTube and enjoy," as a way to avoid facing my responsibilities.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, "I feel tired and sleepy," as an excuse to avoid working on what matters.

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, "I want to relax," and use this thought to justify procrastination and avoidance of my duties.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify watching YouTube videos with thoughts like, "Let's watch just one video," knowing that it leads to more distraction.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a pattern of watching YouTube videos after eating, using this as a routine to avoid getting back to work.

   I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to feelings of tiredness and sleepiness, using them as triggers to watch videos instead of taking constructive action.

  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch YouTube to avoid the pain and discomfort that come with the discipline of working my plan and practicing 4-count breath. I realize that by choosing avoidance, I am not giving myself the opportunity to build resilience and grow through these challenges.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically feel a strong urge in my Solar Plexus to watch YouTube whenever I lie down to relax or sleep. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that watching YouTube is a valid way to relax, rather than exploring other methods that truly support my well-being. I realize this belief has kept me from finding genuine physical relaxation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically react and resonate with a mix of emotions and feelings towards watching YouTube like anxiety, urge, desire, excitement and discomfort 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice deep 4 count breathing when and as I see myself automatically reacting with any emotions in relation to watching YouTube 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word discipline and embrace the pain and discomfort coming with it whenever I see myself wanting to watch YouTube.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I let go of my YouTube habit, I might fall back into my old addiction. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my ability to change and to feel safer sticking to what I know, even though it doesn’t serve me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use YouTube as a way to hide and suppress my emotions, especially the anxiety and discomfort I feel as I work on transcending my old addiction. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing these emotions and to escape the discomfort I feel when working on my interview preparation by watching YouTube.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my efforts out of fear of losing control to my mind consciousness system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable or threatened by the idea of change or success, leading me to sabotage my progress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be drawn to the instant gratification of watching YouTube rather than focusing on the longer-term rewards of working on my goals.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it difficult to motivate myself when the rewards aren’t immediate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a disconnect between my self directive decisions and my physical actions, allowing old habits programmed in my unconscious mind to override my self directive decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxiety and tension in my body when I plan to work on my goals, leading me to seek comfort in YouTube instead of facing my tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch a funny video on YouTube to rest from my work and job interview preparation, instead of breathing and being in the physical, having a walk or exercising. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch a funny video and when I do so I completely disconnect from my physical body and in doing so the mind take control over me so I came into possession of the mind while watching video. This is why I continued watching video even if the break time was finished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play chess game in the break time and loose awareness of my breath while playing and so get in the possession of the mind. So immediately after chess games, I start watching YouTube.

 # **Self-Commitment:**

I commit myself to recognize and breathe through the urge I feel in my Solar Plexus when I lie down to relax or sleep, instead of turning to YouTube.

 I commit myself to finding and practicing relaxation methods that align with my goals and values, avoiding distractions and focusing on approaches that genuinely support my well-being as a physical substance.

  I commit myself to live the discipline of working my plan and practicing 4-count breath, and to face the discomfort and pain that come with this discipline with understanding and deep, focused 4-count breaths. I recognize that by embracing these challenges, I am strengthening my ability to really live the change and birth myself from the physical.

  I commit myself to recognizing when I feel tired, excited, or procrastinative, and instead of turning to YouTube, I will practice 4 count breathing and take a short, awareness  break or engage in a quick physical activity to refresh myself before returning to my tasks.

   I commit myself to acknowledge any feelings of stress, boredom, or anxiety, and instead of seeking distraction, I will practice  breathing techniques to center myself and refocus on my priorities.

   - I commit myself to challenging the belief that I am just surviving and don't need a job, reminding myself of the importance of financial independence and personal growth through meaningful work.

   - I commit myself to recognizing the enjoyment of my current life but also understanding that I can improve it further by being proactive and responsible in my actions.

   - I commit myself to realizing that breaks and relaxation are important but should be scheduled and not used as excuses to avoid important tasks.

   - I commit myself to stop procrastination by reminding myself that handling things later often leads to unnecessary stress and compromised quality of work.

   - I commit myself to becoming aware of the thought "Open YouTube and enjoy," and instead, I will remind myself of the value of the work or preparation I need to do.

   - I commit myself to recognizing the thought "I feel tired and sleepy" as a sign to rest responsibly rather than escape into distractions.

   - I commit myself to addressing the thought "I want to relax" by scheduling proper breaks and relaxation times rather than letting them interfere with my productivity.

   - I commit myself to challenging justifications like "Let's watch just one video," by reminding myself of the slippery slope it creates, and instead, I will focus on completing my tasks first.

   - I commit myself to identifying and interrupting the pattern of watching YouTube videos after meals by setting clear post-meal routines that involve light activity or direct transition into work tasks.

   - I commit myself to address feelings of tiredness and sleepiness by practicing good sleep hygiene and taking short, mindful breaks when necessary, without resorting to YouTube as a coping mechanism.

I commit myself to face my fear of falling back into old habits by reinforcing my commitment to change and trusting in my ability to grow beyond my current limitations.

I commit myself to embrace the discomfort of change, knowing it leads to my growth and freedom.

  I commit myself to confront and process the emotions I’ve been avoiding, using healthy coping mechanisms instead of YouTube.

I commit myself to face the discomfort of my interview preparation directly, knowing that it is necessary for my growth


I commit myself to stop sabotaging my efforts by recognizing the value in transcending the control of my mind consciousness system and allowing myself to embrace change and success.

I commit myself to replace feelings of threat with physical stability within changes I am making.


   I commit myself to stay physically stable and present, using four-count breathing to maintain awareness and focus on the delayed but more meaningful rewards of sticking to my plan. I will remind myself that true satisfaction comes from long-term achievements.

 I commit myself to align my physical actions with my self directive decisions, actively working to reprogram my unconscious habits. I will address the anxiety and tension in my body through breathing and physical exercises, and I will choose to face my tasks rather than seeking comfort in YouTube

I commit myself to, when I feel the need to take a break from work or job interview preparation, choose physical activities like walking, breathing, or exercising to reconnect with my body. 

I commit myself to remain aware and present during breaks, ensuring that I myself decide when to return to my tasks. 

I commit myself to recognize when I am slipping into mind possession and to bring myself back to physical presence through breath and self-awareness.

I commit myself to remain aware of my breath and physical presence when engaging in activities like playing chess during break times.

 I commit myself to recognize when I am losing awareness and to stop, breathe, and bring myself back to my physical body. 

I commit myself to with self direction choose activities that support my well-being and to avoid falling into the trap of mind possession, especially after playing games, so I can return to my tasks refreshed and focused.