Day 100 : Desire: From Possession to Living Creation


The word Desire has walked with me for a long time.

It has been behind almost every movement, every thought, every chase — from relationships, sex, and love, to success, money, and recognition.

At first, I believed desire was life itself — that to desire meant to be alive.
But as I started to slow down, breathe, and look at what actually happens inside my body, I saw that desire is not life.
It is an energetic movement — a subtle vibration that begins when I believe something or someone outside of me will complete me.

Bernard Poolman once said:

“Desire is the lie that says you do not already have life.”

I saw how true this was.
Every time I participated in desire, I stepped out of the physical and into the mind — into imagination, projection, hope, and fear.
Desire became the substitute for living. It promised fulfillment but always ended in emptiness.

I realized that as long as I am driven by desire, I am driven by energy, not by life.

Seeing What Desire Really Is

When I examined my desires, I saw that most of them were not about the things themselves — but about the experience of energy they produced in me.

Desire for sex was not about physical intimacy, but about feeling wanted.
Desire for money was not about stability, but about escaping fear.
Desire for success was not about expression, but about proving my value.

Desire, then, was a map of my separations — every point where I had abandoned self-trust, self-respect, and physical presence.

When desire is not directed, it mutates into possession.
The body tightens. The solar plexus burns. The eyes search.
I become energy incarnate — possessed by my own creation.

That is where I lose self-authority.
The mind takes over, the body becomes secondary, and I move not from clarity but from compulsion.

The Triggers of Desire

As I continued walking self-forgiveness, I saw something deeper:
Desire does not just appear randomly — it is triggered.
It can be activated through images, smells, touch, body-memory imprints, or even a flash of an old experience.

These triggers awaken energetic memories stored within the body.
They are like echoes of moments where I once believed energy was love, connection, or power.
The mind replays these energetic signatures, and if I am not present, I fall into possession — believing the past memory is real in the present moment.

But the trigger is not the problem.
The trigger only shows me where I am still holding onto energy instead of living here.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define desire through energy, pictures, and imagination — instead of seeing it as a signal that I have separated myself from the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that desire gives life — not realizing that in chasing energy, I was draining the very life of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create desire as a form of self-abuse — feeding thoughts, fantasies, and projections instead of standing stable in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use desire as hope — waiting for life, God, or the universe to give me what I am unwilling to give to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use desire to avoid responsibility, to escape the simplicity of living here, physically, breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to transform desire into fear — fear of losing, fear of not having, fear of failing — and to let that fear possess my solar plexus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that excitement, lust, or ambition are signs of life, instead of seeing that they are the mind’s way of consuming the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-authority to energy — to let the mind tell me what I need, what I should want, what I must chase.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I am the one who breathes, who moves, who decides — that no desire can replace the living presence of being here.

Deep Self-Forgiveness on the Triggers of Desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to images, body shapes, faces, sounds, or smells with a sudden surge of sexual energy — believing that the external trigger holds power over me, instead of realizing that the energy is coming from me, from my own accumulated memory patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my body-mind connection store energetic imprints of past sexual, emotional, or sensory experiences — and to let those imprints awaken within me as if they were real, here, now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust these energetic memories more than physical reality — to believe that the energy of excitement equals intimacy, and that the energy of lust equals connection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear these triggers — to fight them, suppress them, or be ashamed of them — instead of realizing they are opportunities to see clearly where I am still holding onto separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see these moments of energetic activation as failures — instead of realizing they are doorways to reclaim self-direction through breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being free from desire — instead of simply living here, breathing, and understanding energy without judgment or attachment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my solar plexus contract and burn with fear or excitement when I encounter these triggers — not realizing that I am generating energy from the substance of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need the energy of desire to feel alive — instead of seeing that life is already here, constant, in every breath.

Self-Correction and Commitment

When and as I notice energy in my solar plexus — fear, excitement, or longing — I stop and breathe.
I remind myself that this energy is not who I am.

When and as I encounter an image, touch, smell, or memory that triggers desire, I stop and breathe.
I do not suppress the energy, and I do not feed it — I stabilize myself within breath, feeling my feet on the ground, feeling my body here.

I realize that the mind uses these triggers to generate energy from the physical, feeding on my body’s substance.
I bring myself back to the simplicity of being here.

I commit myself to stop using desire as a replacement for direction.
I commit myself to move from wanting to deciding.

I commit myself to give to myself what I used to wait for — stability, intimacy, understanding, expression.
I commit myself to no longer allow the mind to define what fulfillment means for me.

I commit myself to use every moment of desire as a mirror — to see where I have not yet lived my potential, and to move myself to live that point practically, physically, breath by breath.

I commit myself to stand as self-authority — to direct energy, not be directed by it.
I commit myself to transform desire into living creation, where what I express is not driven by lack, but by equality with life.

Redefinition of Desire

Desire (Redefined):
Desire is the energetic signal of separation from life.
It shows me where I have not yet given myself to living fully here, in equality with the physical.
When I stop, breathe, and bring that point into living action, desire transforms into decision — the movement of creating what is best for all.

Conclusion

Desire used to be my master.
It controlled my choices, my thoughts, my relationships, my sense of worth.
But through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, I began to see that desire was never the problem — it was simply a reflection of where I had not yet stood equal to myself.

Now, when desire arises, I no longer follow it.
I breathe. I ask:

“What is this showing me about where I have not yet lived myself fully?”

Then, instead of chasing the energy, I move.
I take a real step, here, in the physical, in alignment with what is best for me and for all.

In this, desire is no longer a force that pulls me away — it becomes a teacher that shows me how to return to life.

Living Redefinition

Desire = A signal to stop, breathe, and live the point I once only wanted.
From wanting → to living.
From energy → to creation.
From possession → to self-authority.


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