Day 94 : Facing the Word “Masturbation”: From Energy to Presence



There are moments in this process where a word reveals itself not as what we thought it was, but as a doorway — a doorway to seeing how deeply we have defined ourselves through energy.
The word Masturbation for me has been one of those doorways.

When I started walking this word, I saw how it was not only about a physical act, but about the energetic relationship I had built toward myself: the need for stimulation, the fear of emptiness, and the search for control through pleasure.
I could see how, whenever I suppressed emotions or felt tired, lonely, or uncertain, the mind would bring back the idea of release — as if energy could solve what I had not yet faced in myself.

But every time I would stop, breathe, and stay with my body, I saw that what I was actually avoiding was silence.
That silence is not emptiness. It is the beginning of presence.

This word has shown me that masturbation, when driven by energy, becomes a cycle of escape — but when faced with self-honesty, it becomes a point of understanding: how I have defined life as energy, and how I can now redefine life as living expression.

🕊️ Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use masturbation as a way to escape my physical reality, instead of facing what I actually feel in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear silence and emptiness, believing that I need stimulation or fantasy to feel alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect masturbation with comfort and safety, instead of realizing that this connection only keeps me separated from my real stability — which is found in breath, in presence, in my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create guilt after masturbating, thinking that feeling bad means I am changing, instead of seeing that guilt is just another layer of energy that feeds the same cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can control life through pleasure, instead of trusting myself to live and move here, in and as the physical, without dependency on energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe imagination gives me more than reality, instead of realizing that the real gift is being here — stable, breathing, aware.

🌬️ Self-Corrective Application

When and as I notice the thought, image, or energy of stimulation rising —
I stop and breathe.
I place my hands on my body, feel the physical, and ground myself in the breath.

I do not follow the energy or the imagination.
I remind myself that I am here, and that the energy is only a memory pattern — it cannot define me unless I give it permission.

I realign myself with my body — moving, stretching, writing, or walking — to return to my physical presence.

🌱 Self-Commitment

I commit myself to live intimacy with myself through breathing, physical awareness, and self-care — not through imagination.

I commit myself to no longer trust energy or thoughts, but to trust my beingness and physical body as the only real stability.

I commit myself to investigate any moment I fall or react, without judgment but with self-honesty — to see what I have not yet faced and forgive it immediately.

I commit myself to live pleasure as presence — to transform energy into expression, and expression into creation.

I commit myself to continue walking this process of redefining words and relationships, until nothing within me moves from energy, but from life itself.

🌾 Living Redefinition

Masturbation (redefined):
A moment of self-physical connection that, when lived as awareness and breath, becomes a practice of presence — not an act of energy release, but a return to self-intimacy and gentleness with one’s body.


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