Day 9 : Living in Regret

 Regret is one of my main state I had lived and experienced as a person. This is the state where I define myself as Mistake and Failure. This is the state where I want to change but I want it to happen without me doing anything, because in this state I loose trust on myself as I see the evidence that I did fail another time so why standing up ? This is the state and point where I fall and I stay laying down in the pit I of all mistakes and failures and bad things I did in the past. And while I am in this hole and pit of regret and remorse, I want to stand up but I don't because I don't want to forgive myself because I did fail again.

Living in regret for days, weeks, and sometimes months has many dimensions and factors, but this point was defining me all my life. So it is time to face this point, investigating all the dimensions and factors of it and forgiving the I ( the mind), the my (personality who I am at this moment) and  the self (physical body and beingness) from all the layers, factors and dimensions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and define myself as regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in this state of regret where I want to wipe off all the mistakes and failures of my past with the emotions of remorse and sadness and physically with shedding tears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that regret can change the mistakes and failures of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deeply believe from religion that regret is something necessary if I want to change. It is the first step to repentance. So whenever I make a mistake or failure I accepted and allowed myself to deeply feel regret and remorse, believing that this is the only way that make God forgive me. Because without forgiveness of God I can not forgive myself. The irony in that is when I make the same mistake again, I get in regret more deeply because I did betray God and myself. And as the mistake and failure repeat again and again the regret and remorse get more bigger and more intense until it become the big monster in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed regret to become the big monster in my life each time I did accept and allow myself  to feel regret, and live as regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and express regret crying on my parents to forgive me when I make mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in regret where I participate with all failures and mistakes of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance while doing self forgiveness on regret. Where my mind goes blank as there in nothing to forgive about regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up into bad habits/pattern that is within secret just to suppress this big emotion of regret and remorse, and to forget about what I have done. So when I am in secret, alone within myself where I can see myself, expose myself, But yet not seeing realizing and understanding that this person in secret is not ME; it is the person I have accepted and allowed myself to Be. And because I am not come to a point of self honesty within this point I keep getting trapped in the secret mind  where I have my believe about myself as regret, failure, and mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the mistake of Adam and Eve and within that living regret and remorse of this mistake whenever I fail or make any mistake.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand all the dimensions, layers, and factors of regret that I need to forgive so I can live as LIFE within every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make regret the main entrance of living in separation from myself and from all life. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that regret is me Living in the mind wanting to wipe off all my past mistakes and failures. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that living in my mind remembering past mistakes and failures and wanting to wipe off them, is creating more of them. As it was the mind that create those mistakes and failures.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that I can't wipe off all my mistakes and failures  but I can learn and grow from them.And to do so, the key and tool I can use to support myself is Writing and doing self forgiveness to open the point and understand the purpose and the why of my mistake and failure.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that this trait of living in regret is me in fact not wanting to change in a deeper level where I am holding onto personality as the mind not wanting to live as LIFE as what is best for all life.

TO BE CONTINUED