Day 43 : Annoyance when learning new things memory. Day 2 of 21

 

I remember when I started learning and refreshing my knowledge about Very large scale Integration VLSI to apply for jobs in this field, I faced a lot of annoyance and irritation and resistance. So Before starting this learning I did see my potential of what I can be and become in this field as engineer and sales facilitators for big companies and also I did see how getting this job can really help me to stabilize my finances and build my TT business.
And what comes up within my mind and my behavior  :
First big resistance towards return to be employee in my field. And also resistance to re learn and just staying learning for hours was challenging.
While I was learning  I experienced my mind jumping on a lot of things just to distract me from learning. And things that my mind bring while I am learning was most things I crave for.

Within my behavior what really made me give up after 2 weeks is first putting a deadline to finish mastering all technical knowledge of a book of 300 pages of a lot of topics in one month. So as 2 weeks passed and I saw that I am just finished 60 pages, I start blaming myself, being impatient within myself, regretting quit my job for the first time, comparing myself to my old colleagues and so on to the point I did give up on that learning and goal.

what was coming up from my unconscious, my quantum mind, my quantum physical while I was learning : 

Uncontrollable checking and looking for my phone every 5 10 minutes.

Activation of triggers of old addictions

Craving for food and tea

Big feeling of tiredness and feeling asleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be aware of what my mind was doing while I was projecting myself and seeing my potential within learning and getting a job in VLSI. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that my mind was owning this learning phase and figuring out what personalities systems that will bring into my learning to work against me.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react and participate with the emotions and feelings of annoyance, Irritation  resistance, excitement, and desire while I was learning.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself as I was learning to breathe and let the mind bring and make me discover all that is in my quantum mind and physical mind so I can face it and change within it.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to regret quit my old job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to my old colleagues.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on learning to get a job in VLSI.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my quantum mind, quantum physical to when and as I was learning activate within me : Uncontrollable checking and looking for my phone every 5 or 10 minutes, triggers of old addictions, craving for food and tea, and big feeling of tiredness and feeling asleep.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand the underground work of my mind setting me to failure even before I start my journey of learning.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a deadline without really looking and seeing how much time really I need to master the book. So as I did so I was setting myself to failure even before I start.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to first start without deadline and see how much time I need to finish every page and after that I can see how much days I need to finish all the book.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see realize and understand that making a deadline was my mind trick to always put me to fail within learning new things. And my mind is always possessed with this time entrance; Saying to me every 30 min and every day, look you are so late, you did not make any great progress , you will never finish that at time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be possessed by the time when I am learning new things. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize and understand that this time possession comes from the program source of fear of failure. So I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to fail finishing my learning and fear to fail getting this job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see realize and understand that self annoyance within learning new things or facing challenges comes also from the rotten childhood source program and system of rewards. So as I was pre-programmed to always seek for rewards when doing anything, I get annoyed within myself as I don't see immediate rewards from learning new things or facing challenges.


I commit myself to as I proved many days that I can transcend this annoyance and work on my learning and progress; I do that within every moment being Me as the physical as Life that use the tools of breathing, self forgiveness and applying the change. I commit myself to use myself as the reference of change not the memory of the old days when I did the change.

I commit myself to walk this process of breathing, self forgiveness and real change within every moment and every day of learning new things or facing challenges

I commit myself to assist and support myself with sounding self forgiveness as or when the mind overwhelm me with thoughts, emotions, and backchat.

I commit myself to investigate and introspect my relation with  giving up.